Akin ka nalang

Forget the title, I'm having bouts of Last Song Syndrome.
LSS? Yes.
Uy, yun pala ang meaning ng LSS.
Haha. Never mind again. May jologs kasi eh. Haha.

So what am I up to these days? Wala. I hate to say this but summer's really boring me to death. I've done nothing but sleep, drink water, sleep and use the computer. Oh another thing, I'm texting now (not that I really don't before). What I meant was I'm texting very often now since my friends seem to be unreachable through landline phone these days. So if you know my number and we're friends, text me. If you're a Globe subscriber, there's 97.9% probability that I'm gonna reply. Haha. If you're a Smart subscriber, well give it a try, let's see if I'd reply. Haha. Blame Globe's UNLITXT service. :)

My stock (or is it stuck) knowledge sucks. The past 2 nights I've been in to this mIRC trivia thing wherein they will flash general knowledge questions and then you'll answer. I suck at the scrambled letters which you will unscramble to form the correct word. I hate those things. I don't even give it a try sometimes. Fortunately, there are true general knowledge questions and with these, I just realized that I have not stuck that enough knowledge in my puny cerebrum. Questions in History, English classes and in Chemistry. A big fraction of the questions flashed were very familiar to me. It's just that I forgot. I suck. I should not be forgetting those things; especially those Science terms that I know I would still be using in College and in the future. :( It's a good thing that I still remember Julius Caesar, aorta, rutherfordium, lobotomy and such.

On the bright side of things, I got my progress report last Friday and I was so awed with my grades. I don't know how those things happened; considering that I really had a lot of things to do in the last quarter. I was so engaged with extra-curricular and I had a lot of absences and half-days. The last quarter was the most stressful quarter I had. I had to do most of the parts in every project (I even did three which was supposedly for 8 people). I even had this feeling that those grades might not be mine since there are a lot of really brilliant people in my class (it's not a matter of how many merit card awardees, you have in class, you know). BUT AAAAAAAH. My Pinoy grade is so sad; my English grade, too. For the past years, those subjects have been my highest; it's the other way around now. :( Prosec's a big bitch. Kinarir ko na nga yung final paper eh. 98-->96. What the hell. When I saw my Math, Accounting and Anal Geom grades, I just wanna scream because of overwhelm-ness. Haha. :)

I hope that my class card in College would be like that always. :)

I would like to do new things this summer. I won't grow if I'd just pig out and bum off here. I seriously want AND need to take Creative Writing workshops. I suck.

Overall, I suck.

we hope for longer goodbyes

If there's one thing that I'm not really good at [well, aside from Math] it's saying goodbye to those people who have been dear and close to me. This goodbye doesn't mean a simple goodbye. It's the kind of farewell that you say when you go off for a long journey ahead.

The seniors' day started with the processional, which is the ultimate beginning of every graduation rite. We didn't know that the teachers had something for us; and during that event, I already felt that I am already on the verge of crying. I get too emotional whenever these things happen.

And I thought what I felt was simple; and I thought that it would end there. When we were told that they're giving us a day off tomorrow, we were at first happy; but after a few moments, some people cried out that they still want to go to school tomorrow. I'm so tired and sick of all those songs and practises but I still want to go to school tomorrow. As in. I never thought I'd be this nostalgic since in the first place, I am not really that kind of person. Well, my strongface image is just a facade--that's been proven twice this school year. :(

I almost cried when we were in the Pananagutan classroom a while ago. I will forever love IV-Pananagutan. I'll miss my classmates. I love them so much. :) I will miss my seatmates. :) I will forever miss the after-recess aircon. I will miss the weird smell of our classroom. I will miss the Finch Patrol! :) I also almost cried when I jumped off my school bus. I never thought this morning that it would be the last day that I'd be riding that red school bus. Some of my mature busmates greeted me goodbye and good luck in college. I was so moved by that. My school bus manong for four years also greeted me goodbye with his usual happy-lolo face. Awwwww. I really felt weird this day.

This has been my most productive year in high school. I have worked for so many things and learned a lot from them as well. It was full of pain, stress but fun, too! All the things that I have done contributed to my own personal growth and I'm very thankful that I have done all those things.

It's just sad that we will be really going to different places and will be separating. For all those years, tight bonds were already tied along us; and now we'll be going to different places. Some will be in the posh Ateneo, in the abode of the green archers in Taft, in the royal university in Manila, and of course, in the kuta of the aktibistas. :)

This is one of the most surreal experiences that I had. I'm so happy. :)

e7ite is love

sane

It's nice to know that she's still in her right mind.

I felt that she was kind of stoic and aloof when she was giving it. Well after thinking of it while I was on my way home, I just thought that I should not care about that since I'm leaving in 3 days. And what the hey, I know that I really deserve it. Bahala sila sa buhay nila.

Haha. Everyone said my face was really funny while I was on stage. :)
fun.fun.fun. I discovered a new thing! :)

Going blind

Whenever we go to the gym to practise for the graduation, my eyes start to hurt; and my vision starts to get blurry. Now I have learned something: I have to wear my glasses whenever we go to the gym. Actually, my ophtha said that I must wear my glasses always but because I think my glasses are 'oversized' for my small eyes, I don't wear it. Another thing, I don't really wanna wear my pair because I look like a boyfriend-deprived terror Biology teacher whenever I wear it.

So what's up? Grad practises are undeniably the most boring events in senior life. But what the hey! At least we're over those imaginary numbers and synthetic divisions. But still, it's really boring and I really hate it. As I have told my pals a while ago, sa grad practise na ito, ang matino at presentable ang boses, nagiging sintonado; ang dati nang sintonado, nakakadugo ng tenga ang boses. Seriously, what's up with those songs that we are forced to sing?! Parang pumupunit lang ng yero eh. I hope we could just sing lively and nice songs and not those weird and heavenly Agnus dei, agnus dei, sanctus... blah blah blah. But the oh-so-great 'musician' in the school says that we have to sing those ugly songs so we don't have any choice. It's as if that it's his event. Hay nako, kahit siya kumanta ng mga kanta niya, sintonado rin dating niya.

On the bright side, it's funny that some people still try to avert my attention unto things. Haha. Bleh. :P

Ako UNA

Spring Waltz is going to be aired on Philippine TV after that Princess Hours ends.
Oh well, I've seen the trailer that ABS-CBN made for the drama.
It sucks. It sucks. The dubbing sucks.
If you have watched the original version, as in the korean one, you'll know what I'm saying.
I must say GMA7 is really better in dubbing. No doubt at that.
Ang panget talaga. Grrrr.

Still, it's really dismaying that GMA7 was not able to buy the rights to televise Spring Waltz here; to think that Spring Waltz is the fourth and last installment in the Endless Love Series. Autumn in my Heart, Winter Sonata, Summer Scent which were the first installments were all aired in GMA7. Then here comes Spring Waltz--going to be aired in the other network.

Ironic.

Oh well, before some other girls there go ga-ga over him,

AKO UNA .

Dun nalang kayo sa mysterious looking, haha. Since yun naman type niyo, diba? Wahahahaha. Kidding. Mamaya may panget na mag-react dyan eh. Bwiset na naman.

the sun was too bright

now I cannot see clearly.
everything's just blurry.
I have to see the ophtha.
I'll do that when I have time or when I want to.
or maybe I'll just use my glasses.
but it's no use now. :(
I should have obeyed the ophtha. :(

I hate the bright sun.

emoshitnal

I have never been this bitter. Never in my whole life I was.
I have the most reasonable reasons to feel this way so don't think that this is again one of the gazillion bouts of immaturity and insecurity that I usually have.

She should have emphasized the point of the activity.
Or at least waited for us.
Sayang, hindi man lang ako nakasama sa botohang lokohang iyon.
They are the most synthetic and the stupidest persons that I have ever met. Bibigyan pa ako ng pagkain--handa ni Hudas.

Oh well, I can't do anything about it. Being productive wasn't enough. I wish I shouldn't have done all of those things so that I wouldn't feel this bad in the end.

I suck.
Now paint a giant red -L on my face; because that's what I am: LOSER.
As much as I don't want to think of it, I cannot help thinking and sulking here.

You know what? They always, always make me cry. I hate them.

Gusto kong mag-amok, mag-urmentado, mambato ng mga panget ng mukha.
Walang hiya. Hindi ko na 'to kakayanin. Masyado akong lugi sa mga nangyayari.
Babawi ako. Makikita niyo.

Bukas luluhod ang mga tala. :x XD ^_-
Seryoso ako. Hindi na ako nagjo-joke ngayon.

nadadala nalang

(click to enlarge)

I don't really see why I have to have 4 math subjects in college. This is one of the reasons why I became hesitant to pursue this degree. Ang dami masyadong Math. Okay, hindi marami, apat lang. Pero hello, I really doubt if I would excel because most probably, Math will pull me down. Always, always, always. With this, I just realized that I'm actually pitting myself into all the difficult subjects in high school. Bio, Chem, Physics, and chenen! Math! This course makes me sad because it means that I'll be confining myself inside the nerdy-academic abode. Nerdy-academic. What? Nerdy-academic. YUCK. I fear that taking this degree program would hinder my personal growth since there will be no much subjects that would be dealing with the 'real social world'. I'll be spending a lot of time in my books, in the university's lab, blah blah blah nananananana. How sad. Ang lungkot naman. Haha; inulit pa eh.

On the other hand, I saw something nice:

(click to enlarge)

it's nice, isn't it? No heavy math. :) Haha.
But I'm still trying Bio though. If I'm not happy with it, I'll shift.

My mom told me to stop looking at the curriculum of different courses because this only makes me more confused. I don't really know what to do with my life now. I thought I already knew but not I'm coming closer, I am confused and very unsure. Poor me. :(

p.s.
the gold notebook that the juniors gave us a while ago in the turn-over ceremony is really nice. I love it. :)

I can't hear.

Graduation is next week.
Surely, I'll be missing all of them.
Will be entering college in 3 months time.
I still don't know what to pursue.

In the past few weeks, I've been thinking of what I really want to be. They said imagining yourself in 10 years would be a big help. In my case, it isn't. To LS or to MS? Now I do not know. Too many forces are acting on me, causing me to change my mind; my vision. I hate this. Nobody could help me, I cannot even help myself.

I'm leaving for a cold "far-away" land for my first year of college; then I'm entering the university's flagship campus next year. Hopefully, with a clear goal to achieve. When I said this matter to some of my friends and some of my relatives, their initial reactions were all negative. Let me quote this: "bakit mo naman kailangan magpakalayo pa para mag-isip? pwede naman mag-isip dito." Let me answer that. Paano naman ako makakapag-isip kung ang daming pakialemero't pakialamera katulad niyo?

Can't they just understand that it's me who's going to study and work for this career?
Why do they have to get themselves involved with other people's lives??
I don't like this.

I hope everything will be just fine when I get there.
I hope I will be enlightened; because I need to in order to get to something good.

Tag, you're it.

The last time I got 'tagged' was when some former guy friend from this all-boy school tagged me. If I clearly remember, it was about characteristics that your potential lifetime partner should possess. It was almost a year since I was last tagged, I think. Thanks to my seatmate who tagged me and gave me a thing to do with this snail-paced DSL connection I have now. Grrrr.

RULES:
“Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!”

Little known facts about me:

1. I have never seen any Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings book/movie. I just don't find it interesting. I never found fantasy interesting although some may say that fantasy depicts a picture of reality.

2. My ultimate dream make-over since I was a kid: have my hair curled. WAHAHA.

3. I can't sleep with a pillow behind my nape/head. I don't use pillows for my head. I hug them instead.

4. I never enjoyed junk food and softdrinks.

5. I videoke/magic sing almost everyday. WAHAHAHA.

6. I joined a singing and dancing contest in the village when I was 5. I sang and danced "Barbie Girl" by Aqua(?) WAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

7. When I was a kid, I was very fond of playing rough games with pets. Before, there was a stray kitten coming over in our house every afternoon and everytime I'd see her, I'd grab her with my small hands and throw her in the big pail full of water. Once she jumped off the pail and bit my wrist and all I did way back them was to laugh. WAHAHAHAHAHA.

8. I don't like bald people. NO BALD PEOPLE PLEASE. Sorry.

9. I can sleep 1 1/2 days straight with no headaches after waking up--and could still sleep again after 6 hours.

10. Recently, I have been experiencing random bouts of schizophrenia. It's bad, I tell you.

I'M TAGGING EVERYONE.

It's not actually happy

If there's one thing I have been really wishing for this entire school year, it's that final moment where I will go up the stage; and the level coordinator/principal would hand me over my high school diploma. For the past 9 months, I have been so eager to graduate--to step out of school and finally be free from its confinement.

What the hell happened, I don't want to end high school now.

I first felt this feeling when we had our last Analytic Geometry class with Ms Lagud last Monday. At that point, only did I realize that this is it, we're really close to the end that we've been all waiting for; that we've been lusting to come. Well now, all I can admit is the fact that it really does not feel good to leave all these behind. I actually find it weird why I am not happy.

Well, I am actually quite happy because I'm going to a free world in months time.
But hey! High school is high school; and it's undeniably one of the highlights in every student's life. So for this reason, I realized that I would never forget everything worst and best in high school no matter how hard I try and no matter how eager I am to get out of it.

I happily realized that I would really miss high school, the people, the teachers, the smelly canteen, the lesbo sophomores that I really really really hate. Oh, the last intrams was really great, no doubt at that. Aeris the best. :) Pananagutan is love. :)

and for the final quote,

~LONG LIVE E7ITE!~

EEW.

Don't mind my post's title.
That's the only thing I've got to say the moment I hopped off my school bus.
They're sooooo 1992. When will they ever be mature?
Never mind.

We had our last Anal. Geom period today. Oh, thank God! Not that I don't like Ms Lagud but I just don't like the subject. It's quite easy but I don't really find interest in it. I don't like Math. Period. We're done with Physics [FINALLY!] I can now burn my book. Haha. Kidding. I think I'll be attached to that subject in the next five years. Not four years, five years. Later you'll know why.

Four more days to go and I can finally slack off! Freedom is within our reach, finally!

Now tell me, to UP or to UST?
I passed the UST interview na and I am so in. I saw the list of programs that can accommodate me in UP. One of which I'm having as an option is BS Physics. BS what? BS Physics, my dear. Haha. :) I've got no problem with Physics. I'm quite good in the subject. I'm just worried that I might not find my course interesting in the coming years and I will end up in regrets. Nursing in UST on the other hand, would be a fine pre-med course.

Sus. BS Bio nalang sana mas masaya pa. O BA Socio. Oh well, the list's not final yet. I think I would have to wait until May to see all the courses that are available for me.

BS Physics, what do you think?
Not bad, isn't it?
If that would be the case then I could always shift.
Hinde, UST nalang; premiere med school eh.
Labo.

All Alone

I have three projects waiting for me but I just can't resist blogging at this point of time. I'm too motivated; or shall I say I have too much within me that I just can't let out here at home that I have to resort to this outlet--blogging.

These past few days, I have just discovered my major weaknesses. These weaknesses I have are really big matters that affect me so much. So much that I end up injured and affronted most of the time. First, is my inability to say no to people when they ask favors from me. I have this bad attitude of just agreeing and agreeing and saying yes when people ask me to do something. Our group projects, for instance. I just realized last night as I went back through some past things that I have done the last months in my senior year that I have done most of the projects that are supposedly group projects. The reasons? 1 is that some of my groupmates are really useless and there's no sense asking them to this and that for a help. 2 is that most of my groupmates are hardcore procrastinators--which I proudly say I am not; that's why I end up doing the project because I want to finish ahead or in time. I am so OC when it comes to projects--I want them organized, presentable and really good that's why when I see that there's not so much effort given to it, I usually give my all. In effect, I do the project alone. All by myself.

I cried shit in front of 24 people today because of shit. I don't want to reiterate things all over again but I really feel bad. This.is.the.first.time.someone.doubted.my.credibility.as.a.leader. My pride was crushed. I can't believe I'd actually breakdown that fast. And I cannot deny that I really am mad to most of them--them who I have served for almost a year. They just don't know how difficult it is for me to follow-up every week, remind them through different communication tools so that they won't forget. As a leader, I believe that I must voice-out whatever it is that they have to say so I forward it to the authority. Now, you just turned your backs against me. I swear I felt like shit a while ago, standing, defending my self all alone and them just there, passively present in that room. I have to take all the blames, the consequences, everything else! And as a bonus, I have been labeled as a dishonest officer for saying their complaints that can't be justified just because of the mere fact that I don't want to name-drop. So much that I cannot take it. I have been a student council treasurer, secretary way back in gradeschool. Club secretary, vice president and president in high school and in those years, I know that I have done all my duties and responsibilities without giving damage unto others. And now she'll just say that she thinks that all those things were just lies?! Oh come on. What have I done to you? Not to brag but I really do think that I am a person who is leader-material and I can manage things and I really have that commanding power. I am not misleading things in the club; I am actually making it better. Just because I don't want to name-drop, you hint that I'm lying. Tell me, who's a good leader that would name-drop and put her members down?

I just cannot take it. It's too much.

I hate myself for being so weak. I am not strongface. Not really but I swear I will! I will.
The incident that happened today will not happen ever again. I swear.

This has made me decide. I am not yet the person that I want to be. And in order to be that person, I should enter a university where I will be molded into a person who is fully brave, strong and free. Pakapalan na talaga sa kolehiyo. Ayoko na. I must be strong in order to not breakdown again when things like this happen--where people just seem to turn away from you. I have to stand up for myself cause no any other will.

Count me in the aktibista populace now. I'm in.

Just quick

I'm leaving the school in less than a month.
I'm not yet nostalgic regarding that thing. Let's just wait for my 'moment' to come.
If there's anything I'd really miss--that's the company of my high school friends. Yeah, no doubt at that. I know I won't be meeting a lot of Trixie Cruz and Zor Abad in college [uy, special mention ang mga loka.. wahahahha]. Well seriously, I don't really see a clear vision of my social life in college. The only hints that I have are: if I'm entering UP, then I'd be one of those aktibistas around, rallying for whatever reasonable reason, hanging out with my kapwa aktibistas. If I'm going to UST, then I'm there, hitting the Anatomy Club or whatever you call it.

That's what I'm going to miss when I leave school.
Yun lang siguro--well, as of this moment. Haha.

Anyway, a lot of things happened this week. It has been such a very busy busy and sucky week. I've got a cold, a cough which I always hold whenever I can because it really sounds loud, and bad; I tell you. It's the type of cough that would echo in the whole podium if I would let it off. And my colds are really bad--my nose never seemed to empty of mucus whatever. Hindi tama. Masyadong maraming sipon.

For this post's ender:

I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS BECAUSE I'M SO LUSTING TO HIT UP DILIMAN NA!

Diliman, Diliman; not Manila! Diliman, PLEASE!
Again, don't ask. :)

Yeah, til the next entry again. I still have a lot to do. :)

HAY NAKO SOBRANG NAIINIS NA AKO SA MGA WALANG ORIGINALITY KUNG MAG-BLOG. PWEDE BA, PLEASE LANG. MANGGAGAYA LANG EH, AKO PA ANG GAGAYAHIN. HINDI NAMAN AKO POPULAR BLOGGER. NAKO BAHALA NA NGA KAYO, TIGILAN NA, PLEASE. MY WRITING SKILLS REALLY SUCK SO PLEASE LANG, TIGILAN MO NA EH SANA LANG. I HATE SEEING YOUR FACE IN SCHOOL. YES, YOU.

Will miss much

Student's take-over today. Trixie and I taught in 2 junior sections in place of the faculty superstar Ms Aniago.

Noli me Tangere. Kabanata 37. Ang Kapitan Heneral.

No offense to the juniors who might have the chance to read this. I think their behavior's just really ridiculous. I mean yeah, we are in fact only student-teachers and probably we won't really earn that much respect from them but what the hey, how about even just a tinge? Like come on, do you play with your mobile phone's keypads and send messages in front of your mentors? And another thing, who said inhaling a whole container of Vick's Vapor Rub in right in front of your teachers is not at all distracting and disgusting?

As far as I remember, I never behaved that bad even though I had classes in the past years conducted by student teachers. Sorry, I just realized that some schoolmates can be that rude. Again, some. I didn't say all.

Anyway, we had fun with the experience. It would have been more fun if only they read and participated and grabbed the opportunity of getting those colored balloons to be stuck on their index cards. Only the smart ones did that sadly. It was fun staying in the 'faculty room' though. :)

The week ahead will be a hectic week. Monday is club field trip--will be out the whole day; will be missing a lot of Math, Physics, Anal Geom and Teenstar; will have to make-up for the Teenstar quiz. Tuesday will be half day for Via and I--will be going to UP Diliman to interview someone for the social action paper; will miss Math. Wednesday--we'll be helping for the set-up of the THE Week. Thursday & Friday--I'll be a total slave working for English and Physics.

I'm expecting zits and hideous eye bags to come.
More motion sickness during dismissal time.
More headaches.
More conflicts with sensitive group mates.
More blames to carry.

and there are still 35 more hell days before I finally say goodbye to high school.

Life was much sweeter during junior year; I just realized that a while ago.

Bouts of schizophrenia

I'm okay now. I'm actually happy. Happy happy happy! Okay, not really that happy as in fulfilled, pleased, satisfied and whatever. Basta I'm happy!

I'm so excited to push through our social action paper. Its topic is why are UP students have been always generalized as activists? I'm happy because I e-mailed this person from UP Diliman that I don't really know personally. I asked him if he can be possibly available for an interview and when I checked my mail kanina, he replied! :)

So I guess I'll be half-day present on Tuesday because I'll be interviewing him. I hope one of my groupmates is willing to be half-day absent on Tuesday next week. Hello, I don't want to look stupid because I'm lost in UP Diliman. And I don't want to wander around that nice university and be emo; ayoko na ng self-pity pucha. Ang ganda ganda ng paaralang naghihintay sa'kin sa kolehiyo eh tas magpapaka-emo ako dun.

O kita niyo na, malungkot na ako. Kanina lang sabi ko masaya ako.

Kaninang umaga, masaya ako. May nanggago sa'kin habang naglo-Love on the Ramp tas nanggalaiti na ako sa galit. After nun, umuwi ako, lalo akong nagalit. Naging masaya. Ngayon, malungkot na.

Me = insane.

This is weird. I never dreamt of pursuing my studies in UP Diliman. It has been always UP Manila for me. Tapos ngayon nagsisisi ako sana 'di ko na nilagay 'yung UP Manila sa choices ko. UP Diliman nalang sana.

Ang tanga tanga tanga ko naman ngayon ko lang 'yun naisip. Ang bagal gumana ng utak ko. Ang bagal talaga. Grawr. Dinosaur ba ako, Inay? Bat naman ganun.

Oh well, waitlisted naman na ako eh. Haha. Don't ask how that happened. :| ;) Haha. Pasensya na kung unfair sa ibang mas matalino sa'kin. Haha. Surree. :)
Kailangan ko na 'tong pag-isipan. Saan ba talaga? Grawr.

Naiinis ako kapag tinatawag akong Ann. Ano ba yun. Jusko.

putaangkapalmotalagaleche

ang kapal ng mukha mo.
plastic.
synthetic.
hypocrite.
ang lakas ng loob mong sabihin 'yun sa ibang tao sa harap ko pa.

Sorry, one-sided bitch, I heard all of the things you said about me.

You know why I don't rely that much on my groupmates, especially on you?

BECAUSE I DON'T GET SOMETHING GOOD AND PLEASING FROM YOU.

Wala kang pakundangan. If I know kung hindi pa matino ang grades ng projects natin, talagang lagapak ka na sa Physics. Wag mo akong gaganyanin dahil hindi mo alam 'yang mga sinasabi mo. Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Pa-sweet friend effect ka sa school, hindi lang nila alam kung gaano ka katagilid. Tagilid lahat sa'yo eh. Ang hirap mong intindihin. Insecure ka. Lagi mong tingin nalulugi ka. Ewan ko sa'yo.

Anong sabi mo? Nilalahat ko lahat ng gawain para sa akin lahat yung grades? Aba, ang galing mo ha. Eh di sana nag-dedefense ako mag-isa, ginagawa ko 'yung project nang mag-isa. Siguro 'yun ang akala mo kasi hindi mo naman nakikita lagi ang ginagawa namin. Teka, ilang beses ka ba pumunta sa meetings? Isa, dalawang beses? Tapos sinong unang umuuwi? Ako ba, ako ba, ako ba?! Diba ikaw? Ikaw yang may schedule issues lagi. Pa-star ka. Lagi nalang andyan na, parating na ang sundo, may family gathering minsan may Ateneo fair pa. Shit, ang lupit. Wag mo sa'kin isisi 'yang leche mong schedule na pinalalabas mo pa, iresponsable ako dahil 'di ko kayo ini-inform nang maaga. Bakit, isa ka bang dakilang mag-aaral na hindi nagpro-procrastinate? Wow, bilib ako sa'yo. Sana makita ko pangalan mo sa top20 list. Bakit, pwede ka ba ngayon? Hindi rin naman ah. At ikaw lang ba ang may ginagawa sa mundo para intindihin ang schedule? Ano ka, artista?

At saka teka nga, diba dati may pinagawa ako sa'yo na significance? Asan na? Namuti mata ko sa kahihintay wala naman ako napala. Walang pakundangan. Gagawa ka ang ikli, mas mahaba pa yung mga chismis at pamba-backstab mo pag sinulat. Ilan sa ating lima ang nagcra-cram before the submission date? Dalawa. At sinasabi kong hindi ka isa sa'ming dalawa. Kasi ang saya ng buhay mo eh.

Kung may reklamo ka po, sabihin mo po sa'kin sa susunod ha. At saka po sana kung ichi-chismis mo po ako sa kaibigan mo at kung ano-ano ang sasabihin mo, siguraduhin mo po na hindi ko naririnig at wala po ako dyan sa tabi-tabi ha. Sayang naman po yung effort niyo na mam-backstab kasi nabubuking po kayo agad.

Wag ka po magpapakita sa'kin ha. Wag ka po magte-text sa'kin kasi baka kung ano po ma-reply ko sa'yo eh. Alam mo naman po ako, makasarili, naggagaling-galingan, at saka higit sa lahat, know-it-all. Wow, lupit ko. Ang tagal ko sigurong mamatay kasi masamang damo ako sa mundong 'to noh? Ikaw, mabait ka kasi eh. Good girl, sana kunin ka na ni Lord.

Saka ka nalang po magpakita kapag kailangan na pong i-print 'yung project kasi po diba 'yun po 'yung contribution niyo?

WOW. ALL HAIL TO THE DOWN-TO-EARTH.

to my other groupmates who might have read this:
I'm sorry. I know I have been quite an irresponsible leader but I think it's not just fair to me to hear those things especially from you two. If you think that I'm doing almost everything in our project then think why I'm doing this. Maybe because you guys also failed to do what you are supposed to do that's why I'm bound to do everything else left. Regarding the schedule issues, don't you notice that I rarely consider my schedule? Lagi nalang akong nakadepende sa inyo, kung kelan kayo pwede, kung kelan kayo walang pupuntahan. Lastly, if you have something to say, say it to me. NOT TO OUR OTHER CLASSMATES.

This is what I get from them. Yes, after helping them at least to have a satisfactory mark in Physics. Thank you very much. I highly appreciate it. [Oh, sarcasm is love]

Ipabasa niyo 'to sa makapal ang mukha

Second Month

My Christine is the most beautiful person you’ll ever know and see...
God has sent me the greatest miracle;
And the greatest person someone can ever be.

----

"Ready?"

She let out her sweetest smile and looks at him, "maybe yes?"

"No, you're just shy to say that you're ready. I want to hear you say it. I won't move here 'til you tell me."

"You're a child, why don't you grow up? Then don't move if you don't want to."

Michael turned back, averted his attention to the lovers sitting together along the boulevard. How he hoped that someday he would be like them, sharing the night with someone they longed to be with for the rest of their lives. He was quite dismayed for he felt that his Christine was not yet ready to be with him. So there he was, the usual childlike boy, sulking inside the car and listened to the love song playing.

Suddenly, he felt something warm in his back, in his nape; and this got him perspiring. There was tension building up within him. The rhythm of his heartbeat changed, the pace became faster, faster, and faster.. faster. Then suddenly, he felt a tap on his arms.

He faced back; and next thing he knew, his lips were already on touch with Christine's. He unconsciously closed his eyes. Their world spun in a different way, slow, slower, and slowest. The feeling was surreal, yet nice. The cold wind of the night was breezing on them but all they felt was the warmth of real sweet love. It went on for minutes. They did not breathe. They did not move. Then Christine moved back, looked into the eye of his man and smiled.

Nothing really beats first kiss.

"See, I told you, I was ready."

Michael chuckled. He blushed and was out of words. He grabbed Christine's body close to him and embraced her real tight with his arms as if he won't be letting go of her. And tears flushed from his small Chinese eyes.

"I love you." she whispered
"What again? I didn't hear it."
"Whatever. I won't repeat it." she laughed.
"I love you most" he answered back, still confining her in his arms; letting themselves feel the warmth of each other's loving company.

----

It was on a cold day of February when they first met. They were both applying for the same university for college. Michael, seventeen. Christine, sixteen. From the very first time Michael's eyes had a glance of Christine's engaging beautiful face, he had her running on his mind.

"I know. That girl, will be my girl." Boys will be forever boys. Yes, he got infatuated.

Christine on the other hand, didn't mind him. When their eyes met, she just gave him a casual smile and that smile made Michael giggle more deep inside. That casual smile, Michael treated as a sign from the above.

The first day of college came. Michael was so jolly as usual; making friends, cracking jokes, laughing out loud with people whom he just met that day. As their first professor came, they were asked to sit wherever chair they wished to sit on. Michael chose to be at the right-most corner of the room, sat on the second-to-the-last chair and left the last chair vacant.

"She's gonna be late. She's gonna be here." he thought.

Minutes later, a late-comer entered the back door. Greeted the speaking professor and apologized for being late in the very first day of college. "Sit beside that Chinese boy; on the last chair" the cross professor ordered. She just nodded and obeyed--sat there and gave off her usual sweet charming smile.

"Hello, I'm Michael."

"And I'm Christine."

"I still don't have any friends here, so can we eat lunch together?"

"Surely. There would be no problem with that."

..and they went along with each other well. They were very good friends. They had a very good platonic relationship together. They belonged in the same clique. They had the chance to know each other well, had the chance to know each other deeper.

At their sophomore year, Michael realized that a different kind of love for Christine has grown in him; and Christine also felt the same way for him but she just let it pass, knowing that something great would eventually come out, would eventually happen.

And one day, while having their habitual after-lunch walks, he asked:

"Would it be awkward if I court you?"

"Court me, woo me?"

"Haha, yeah. Does that sound funny?"

"Well, sort of." I never expected that from you.

"So? What do you think?"

"How will I know if it'd be awkward if you haven't done it yet?"

She let him woo her. For quite a long time that was.

and lucky he was; she was wooed.

College juniors they were already. February 2009. Christine asked Michael for a usual night joyride along the boulevard. Of course, Michael didn't turn down Christine's request. They drove, played their favorite songs in the car's MP3. They sang together, laughed together. That was really one of the happiest moments they've shared together. They were filled with love and happiness. With everything they're feeling, they seemed to be the happiest in humankind.

And on that night, they had their very first kiss. :x

"Want ice cream?" Christine asked.

"Sure"

Christine went out of the car, excitedly ran across the highway like a child lusting for her strawberry cream-flavored pop. Michael also went out of the car then noticed, overjoyed and enjoyed the sight of her beautiful girl smiling. He went in the car again to change the song and when he came out, he saw that a fast-paced ten-wheeler cargo truck was on the way. He shouted to warn Christine. Christine stopped in the middle of the road and looked back.

DEAD ON ARRIVAL.

---

Thank God it was just a dream. Christine was awoken by her husband's very tight hold of her hand, his moans and cries. “He had those recalls and dreams again”, she thought. Christine hugged him and made him feel secured.

It has been always like that since her Michael was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. He can't remember anything in the present; all he remembered was the past. All he had were recalls of both his best and worst memories way back. And he often got dreams like that.

"Christine, Christine. My Christine left me." Michael cried like a tantrum-stricken child
"No, she didn't; and she won't"
"Why, did you see her? I haven't seen her for a long time now."
"Yes, she told me. She won't leave you, I promise."

Christine held him with her now wrinkled hands tighter. Tears fled from Christine's eyes. How she wished that her husband was not suffering from the disease so they could have continued the joyrides they had, the laughters, the happy memories that they had; and so that they could have enjoyed the goodness of life together longer. Although the case, she never felt lonely for every time he would hear Michael tell stories to her and their grandchildren, "My Christine" would always be the topic of his 'speeches'.

When I was nineteen, my Christine said she’d not kiss me; because she still wasn’t ready.
I sulked like a child for a moment then someone tapped me from behind.
I faced back; and you know what?

She did. She did. SHE DID!

My Christine is the most beautiful person you’ll ever know and see…
God has sent me the greatest miracle;
And greatest person someone can ever be.
She was very beautiful when she was sixteen.
It was the first time when I saw her.
I haven't seen her for quite a long time now
But I know when she goes seventy-nine like me
She'd be more beautiful
She will forever be.
As much as I want you, my grandson to also have a Christine
I'm so sorry because I was born earlier
And because for being so good, God has given me His greatest Christine;
Now, my Christine.

Two thousand and nine to two thousand and sixty-eight. It has been always amazing that nothing has changed. Not even a dreadful disease has changed it. Their love never failed and as time passed by, it grew even more beautiful that it used to be.

---------
Haha. Corny ba? Sorry na, galing mo kasi eh. Sige nga, gawa ka nga.

Oh well, Happy Hearts Day, everyone! :)

You,

thanks! happy hearts day! :) I hope you get to read this. :)

love,
ME. :)

Bangag.

This is so crazy. I've totally lost my interest in my academics. Knowing that we'll be having a long test for the next day, I didn't study though the book is just there in my very dirty pink bag. I didn't care.

AND I JUST LAUGHED WHEN I SAW THAT I FAILED THE LONG TEST.

That was so not me. Not me.

Oh well, I think it's part of changing. I know, it's not in any way a change for the better. And it's bad that this kind of thing is happening to me when graduation is nearing; when I have to get my ass working so hard for that ultimate goal.

Oh, about that goal? I dropped it.

There's no sense working when you do not get something good afterwards.
And it even gets more frustrating when you see happy-go-lucky people along the way so carefree, but you know that they really get good things. Very good things.

Inggit ka lang.
Ang yabang mo; ano ka naman para kaiinggitan?
Ano ka, ano ka, ano ka, ano ka ba?! Ha?!

Pahinga na muna ako. Masyado nang nakakapagod. Doon nalang ako magpupursigi ulit, doon sa España. Tingin ko doon mas masaya.

Malapit na pasahan nung dalawang proyekto ah. Bat di pa kayo kumikilos dyan?! Ano, ako na naman? Ako na naman?! Ako nalang lagi!!!!!

Hay nako. Kay sarap ng buhay..


NILA.

gawa ko, pagod ko, utak ko, ideya ko, damay kayo. swerte kayo. pucha, asan na 'yung bayad niyo sa pagpiga ko sa utak ko tuwing sasapit ang mga panahon na ganito?

Kelan ko ba mae-enjoy ang buhay ko? Lintek.

Maswerte ka lang

Malas talaga ako sa bunutan. Sa Bingo lang ata ako talaga sinuswerte. Biruin niyo ba, kanina sa Oral Spelling Bee, halos lahat ng nabubunot ng batchmates ko kaya kong i-spell. Isa pa, ang bingi ko talaga eh. Gynecologist--Gynecology. Haha.

Yung Jam Session, okay naman. Okay naman. Consistency is not really my thing. Oh well, eh hindi eh, anong magagawa ko. At least hindi naman nagmukhang gago. Bakit, mukhang gago ba? Haha.

Labingisang asignatura. Lampas sampu. Walang nang mas magiging pabaya kaysa sa akin. Pero kahit papaano, wala naman akong palakol. SUBUKAN LANG NILA BIGYAN AKO. Kahit naman hindi ako masyadong nag-aral noong nakaraang markahan, masasabi ko pa rin na medyo angat pa rin ako sa iba--maliban na nga lang siguro sa Matematika at Pisika. Lagi naman eh. Sige, mag-Biolohiya tayo. Tignan natin kung sino'ng lilitaw. Bwisit, ang yabang. Nakuha ko na kasi 'yung kard ko kanina imbis na bukas kasi kailangan ko bukas nang maaga eh.

Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa--wag kayo maniniwala rito kasi hindi totoo. Minsan mayroon Siyang mga taong hindi kinaaawaan. O baka pinipili Niya lang. Eh pero, may Diyos nga ba?

I'll leave you thinking that.

P.S. Nanghihinayang ako na sa sobrang pagkagago at bobo ko kanina, hindi ko nasabi sa speech ko 'yung: Pananagutan and Paninindigan--these are two very precious Filipino values that we unfortunately don't have. If only Juan dela Cruz would wholeheartedly live with these, our Lupang Hinirang would be the place we always dreamt of. If only Juan dela Cruz would finally learn these Filipino values, Arete, Kleos and immortal celebrare would be within each and every Filipino's reach.

Well you know, some people could be just merely stupid after all. It's just not your fate this time, as Ria puts it. [O, meron na namang nagbabasa dyan na magbibigay ibang kahulugan dito. Fudge you.]