ganito ako ka-jologs nung 1st yr ako:


malapit na!!!
[Mar. 17th, 200408:57 pm]
[moodconfused]
[musicgoodbye to you

]hay naku, malapit na naman ang finals... ang bilis!!! parang last month lang, 1st year plang ako... ngayon, 2nd year na kami!!! ang galing!!! well, kahit na ganoon cia kagaling, marami pa ring sacrifices... oh life!!! gosh!!! 2 days nalang aalis na sila... imagine life without them... diyos ko! kaya ko ba 'to? paano na next year? oh shit! ang lungkot noon!! hay naku, ganyan tlga... ano pa bang magagawa... naku...

trip kong buksan yung lj ko after 2 years.. haha. ayan. ganyan ako ka-jologs. yuck.. nakakadiri

I'm having a totally sucky feeling these past days. You know the feeling of being sick? I'm feeling it right now but I am definitely not sick. The feeling is similar to the feeling that I had wayback my first day in the hospital (when I was hospitalized due to deadly dengue). I don't really know if I'm feeling loneliness, angst, frailties, confusion, or what! This really sucks. I don't know if this stage is just normal for adolescent beings like me. I just feel that I'm not enough. I am not what I wanted. I can't satisfy myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really know. No, that's wrong. I know what's wrong but still refuse to accept that it is wrong.

I'm so tired and sick of the dreams that I painstakingly reach for but continuously go farther away from me. Having dreams is my drive and my motivation but is also the culprit of all my cowardice and suffering. I suddenly came to a conclusion that the reason why I often hinder myself from doing something I badly and really want to do is I'm so afraid of rejection and not being good enough for the "dreams" I want to finally reach. Fcuk. I hate this. I mean, I hate what's happening with me right now. I really hate it. It really sucks. What's even worse is that I already do my best and still absolutely everything goes downhill. Just imagine that! Arrghh. Fcuking shit. I'm so tired of having this feeling. So, so, so tired!

I'm crazy. So crazy. This is crazy and it doesn't make sense. FOR YOU. Well, for me, it does. I don't care if you find it senseless. Errr.

I'm having a totally sucky feeling these past days. You know the feeling of being sick? I'm feeling it right now but I am definitely not sick. The feeling is similar to the feeling that I had wayback my first day in the hospital (when I was hospitalized due to deadly dengue). I don't really know if I'm feeling loneliness, angst, frailties, confusion, or what! This really sucks. I don't know if this stage is just normal for adolescent beings like me. I just feel that I'm not enough. I am not what I wanted. I can't satisfy myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really know. No, that's wrong. I know what's wrong but still refuse to accept that it is wrong.

I'm so tired and sick of the dreams that I painstakingly reach for but continuously go farther away from me. Having dreams is my drive and my motivation but is also the culprit of all my cowardice and suffering. I suddenly came to a conclusion that the reason why I often hinder myself from doing something I badly and really want to do is I'm so afraid of rejection and not being good enough for the "dreams" I want to finally reach. Fcuk. I hate this. I mean, I hate what's happening with me right now. I really hate it. It really sucks. What's even worse is that I already do my best and still absolutely everything goes downhill. Just imagine that! Arrghh. Fcuking shit. I'm so tired of having this feeling. So, so, so tired!

I'm crazy. So crazy. This is crazy and it doesn't make sense. FOR YOU. Well, for me, it does. I don't care if you find it senseless. Errr.

Woah. After a half-month of practices, the school's intramurals had finally ended. And I'm so proud that the team where I belonged to which is SIFANTA is this school year's over-all champion in the whole high school level. Though our cheering team is just the 2nd placer, at least, we are the over-all champion. Speaking of the cheering event, Psyche really awed the whole student body. I was so amazed by their oh-so-synchronized movements. Think about real synchronization. And their actions were really sharp.

Anyway, I'm so happy that I belonged to the cheering group from my freshman days up to now. :) Still, I'm so tan. Negra. Sobrang negra talaga. I think my classmates' skin complexion had already gone back to normal but still, mine is still very tan. Errr! Especially my arms.

I really can't feel that christmas is coming. I don't even plan to give gifts to my buddies and relatives. Haha. Call me kuripot or whatever. I am not really planning to do some christmas shopping. I am not. I think I'm too preoccupied by my tasks and all that. Me and my groupmates will surely be cramming in the following days. We haven't made our product for our chemistry investi and we still have not started our Eva Peron story. Cramming is awaiting us. Urrrgh. This is what I really hate: the pain of cramming.

There are a lot of school events coming. The feast day, school fair, English week--which I plan to "career" (oral spelling bee), and lastly the prom which turns out as my major burden for this school year. Prom is a burden. It's already less than 2 months from now and it's really a burden. Errr.