now here's a good reason

As I have said in my previous entry, I have long exams on Monday: Math 11 and Geology 11. I'm right here in Metro Manila and I should be doing in-depth studying for the long exams but guess what? I haven't done anything productive yet. Yes, you guessed it right! I'm procrastinating things again and making our computer chair warm. I have been IM-ing and Friendster-ing all day. This home is full of temptations. There's the TV, the bed, and the almighty computer with the fastest DSL connection. Internet. Online life. My ultimate weakness. The culprit of my just-average high school grades. And it's getting into me again.

So I just thought that this is a good reason for me not to transfer anymore. It's not that there's no TV in my place, it's not that there's no internet [hello, we have WiFi internet access sa dorm]. But when I'm there, I'm just focused unto studying and nerding off or doing things for DebSoc or whatever university-related. What have I done for the past few hours that have passed? Nothing. I just IM-ed and IM-ed high school friends who seem to be disinterested to know anything whatnot about me. Well, no offense to others. And let me clarify that Kaila is not one of them. Yay! Haha. What else have I done for the past hours? Stalking in Friendster. Flooding up my comments page. Stalking. Stalking. And more stalking. Haha. Just kidding. You know I love checking out people's Friendster profiles and afterwards, I'd be laughing at all the bull and stupidity they put there. Okay, before I go on further, let me clarify that I am not generalizing all the Friendster folks out there. It's just that I see more funny profiles than good ones. And I am not saying that mine's a good one. It's simply plain, mind you.

I wonder why I don't already have a clear vision of what do I want to do right after I finish my undergraduate studies. When I was in high school, I remember that I was so eager to hit medical school and after 12 years, I'll have MD written along my full name. Now, I am not even sure if that's still the thing that I want to do. Everything has changed. My exposure to UP has changed me. No, I don't want to be an activist. I know I once dreamed of being one but now that I'm in the real thing, it makes me wonder why I once desired to be in their circle. It does not appeal to me anymore. Being idealistic is not the only requirement for an individual to belong to them--you also need the ability to balance time between those things and your academics. And that I cannot do. I'm okay with DebSoc--the only reason why I still want to go to school everyday even though every school day seems to be a bad day for me. I don't know what would happen to me if DebSoc were non-existent. It's more than an org for me. It's love. And it's the sweetest thing that happened to me in UP. Thank God for DebSoc. Thank God for the people in DebSoc. Thank God for the people in Hezbollah [Clifford, Marco, Rodel, Alex, Mabel, Gerda, Francesca and Benson]--my house in DebSoc. It would be so hard to leave it. I'm living a life that I cannot leave behind. I know this one's gonna be tragic in the later time. I don't wanna think how it's gonna be.

So far, I'm doing okay with my academics. I think it's still tolerable. Zoology is of course, hard without critical thinking. I have learned that I must go beyond my lecture notes and what's written on that thick blue book that almost replaced my bible. I went altogether wrong when I thought that it's just a plain matter of memorizing all those facts and concepts. That I shall never do again. Life is the science of Biology therefore I must absorb everything in it since I believe that the subject matter is my passion. I'll be living this kind of life still in the next 3 years [HOPEFULLY] and I must learn how to get with it.

And I quote: Life is demanding without understanding.

P.S. I made a new Multiply account because my old one sucks. Check it out: http://malditix.multiply.com. The stupid stuff that it contains are for contacts only so just add me if you know me then I'd add you back if I know you. I think it would take a long time again before I update you guys with another dramatic long entry. And I don't even know if someone still reads this. But I'll always try my best for this thing not to be left stagnant forever. :)

I'm leaving for a better place tomorrow night. Please pray that I'll be safe.