Mababaliw na ako

nalalabuan ako sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. nitong mga huling araw, kinikilig ako for no reason at all. lalo na kagabi, bago matulog. wala naman akong iniisip. basta parang kinikilig ako at masaya bago matulog eh wala naman akong love life.

ulk. kelan ba ako nagkaroon nung tinatawag na love life? hindi naman ata kahit minsan. grwar. labo ko.

ang sarap ng walang pasok. malaya ka sa napaka-demanding na mundo. feeling ko kasi kapag nasa school ako, robot ako at ang mga kasama ko dahil sunod-sunuran lang sa lahat ng pinapagawa ng teachers.. bonus na nga lang yung Intrams practise kasi ako nasusunod eh. haha. LOKO LANG BAKA SABIHIN BULLY AKONG BATA.

pero diba, totoo naman. parang robot kaming mga estudyante kasi wala naman kaming choice kundi gawin ang lahat ng sabihin nila kahit na sa totoo lang sasabog na yung baga namin dahil sa dami at hirap.

sana lagi nalang walang pasok. at lagi akong nakahilata sa malaking kama.

kay sarap ng buhay.

december na pero hindi ko feel na pasko na.

ewan. nawala yung interes ko sa pasok magmula noong grade 6. eh kasi naman nag celebrate kami ng christmas noon sa funeral chapel dahil namatay yung lola ko sa tuhod. kumusta naman.

gusto ko manood ng Voices in Harmony bukas kaso lang pare-pareho kaming walang pera (ako, Trixie, Ariane). haha. kawawa naman kami.

In denial former SHSian

Days ago, an unknown YM user added me in her list. I, thinking that she might be a school acquaintance, accepted her invitation even though I do not really know who she was. Today, I found her online and asked her who she was.

Clarissa: who's this?
fifteen_lover: somebody
Clarissa: yeah. somebody. great.
fifteen_lover: isnt is great??????!
Clarissa: okay just tell me where you got my YM id
fifteen_lover: from your admirer and stalker
fifteen_lover: yadda yadda yadda wahahahahahaha
Clarissa: you used to study in shs, right?
fifteen_lover: what's shs? what the hell is that???? i dont know that
Clarissa: wow. really?
fifteen_lover: yeah really where the hell is shs
Clarissa: what the heck.
Clarissa: who the hell are you?!
fifteen_lover: uhhhhmmmmmm..............
fifteen_lover: why do u want to know wham am i?????????/
Clarissa: because you added me in YM
Clarissa: and I don't usually add people whom I don't know.
fifteen_lover: oooohh
fifteen_lover: actuali
fifteen_lover: i dont know u also
fifteen_lover: somebody sent me a lot of contacts
fifteen_lover: and i just added all of them
fifteen_lover: even though i dont know some of them
Clarissa: but you used to study in shs, right?
Clarissa: c'mon. you don't know shs?
fifteen_lover: why are u asking?
fifteen_lover: i know shs
Clarissa: you know as in just know?
fifteen_lover: yeah
Clarissa: gawd. you're ridiculous.
fifteen_lover: aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fifteen_lover: i heard of it
fifteen_lover: like thousand times
fifteen_lover: lol
fifteen_lover: im not ridiculous
fifteen_lover: im just drunk
fifteen_lover: hahahahahhahahhahaha
fifteen_lover: hghgghjfs
fifteen_lover: lol
Clarissa: you're patty, right? patricia?
fifteen_lover: paattttyy???????//
Clarissa: anyway, I don't think this is going anywhere.
Clarissa: so I guess I'm gonna end this.
fifteen_lover: it's going DOOOOOOWWWNNNNN!!!
Clarissa: you're a lot of nonsense.
Clarissa: yeah. bye.
fifteen_lover: WWOOOOHHH
fifteen_lover: that makes senseeeee!!!!!
fifteen_lover: im bringin SEXY BACK!!!
fifteen_lover: whooooaaahhh]
fifteen_lover: SMACK THAT GET ON THE FLOORR
fifteen_lover: SMACK THAT GIMMME SOME MORE
fifteen_lover: till you get slow
fifteen_lover: yaahh
fifteen_lover: im nonsense
fifteen_lover: that makes sennnsseeee...........
fifteen_lover: isnt it hoeeeeeeeeeeeee?????????????????????????????????????
fifteen_lover: jkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Notice the lines in bold. Now how did I know that she was a former SHSian? She had the link of her Multiply in her status and I clicked it just to see who she really was. And tanan! I saw a face of a former SHSian who is now in the US. There were even some SHSians who commented in some of her pictures, and she had this picture with one of my batchmates who is already in Canada, I think. SHSians who are now reading this, go see her Multiply and kill me if I'm wrong that she was actually one of the supposed-to-be sophomores in our school now.

How can someone deny her alma mater? Well obviously, the school has failed to mold her into a good person. How can she say this: what's shs? what the hell is that???? i dont know that. Was she ashamed or what? Errr. What's with this girl. Haha. Loser. I think what she did was just.not.right. And I think her agenda of denying that she came from SHS wasn't just smart because she had her Multiply's link in her stat message. I could always click that link, explore her Multiply account and see her face, her contacts and blah blah blah. And I did, just to see who she really was. Bad girl. Tsk. Tsk.

I really hate it when unknown people add me in their YM list. This has happened to me a lot of times and these people always piss me. Random internet freaks just suck big time. Sorry, I'm not the type who adds people, even unknown people just to flood up her list in YM/Friendster. I even delete people who have been dear to me for a while. Haha. That's how uncanny I can be.

To fifteen_lover: good luck sa buhay mo. maging mabuti kang anak ng Diyos. wahaha. ampf. edited na 'to. Thanks kay Nikki Tan. Nalalabuan na talaga ako sa mga sinasabi ng tao.

WELCOME DECEMBER! :D

Misunderstood.

When people say ang sama nito, ang sama ng ugali nito (even in the casually joking tone), I honestly get pissed off with that person speaking to me. I mean, do you even know what you're saying and who are you talking to?! Oh, come on. Nakaka-leche kayo sa buhay ng tao, alam niyo 'yun?

I don't deny that I complain too much on things--especially in food services. Once a friend told me to stop complaining because when I complain, I somehow disrespect God's graces--that is, food. I found that comment absolutely out of hypocrisy and very foolish. Do you know what you're saying? I was not against the food, I was against the very ugly service being given by the smelly school canteen. We're paying a mimimum of forty pesos for a cup of rice and a couple-spoonful of viand which is not in any way satisfying. If only students from our school do not get hungry, the school canteen concessionaire will be bankrupt. Nagtitiis lang kami sa panget nilang pagkain na wala naman kaming choice dahil gutom kami. Is it bad to complain because of the unsatisfying food services that you pay for? I don't think so. It's not what you call panlalait/pamimintas kasi I deserve to get satisfied as a customer. I'm just being vocal with my point of view every time I complain. I'm not passive.

I hate it when I'm being frank with certain matters and then somebody cries out: ang sama mo, ang yabang mo. Sa totoo lang, gusto kong sabihin: ang plastik mo, sobra. di ko na ma-take. bwiset. Saying what's true and what you're seeing is never bad. I don't see why people keep on pretending that they like this, that they like that, that it's okay even though it's like that. I don't see the point of letting things just pass and be apathetic with it even you're already affected. Why don't you laugh if it's all funny anyway? Why continue clinging on a person even though you don't really enjoy her company at all?

Prolly honeys you get my point now. This is what I do almost everyday and everyday, no one ever failed to say that I'm bad, I'm pretentious, I'm maldita. I'm actually waiting for the day that someone will say that I'm altogether unbearable than I'm gonna slap her face with my chubby hand and she'd thank me because I just gave her the awesome-est ecstacy she'd ever have. I am aware that I am not really that pristine(it's used as an adjective, not the name of a friend) holy girl that everyone loves but I don't think that I deserve to be labeled as a "bad cruel girl". I know I can be frank but I never forgot where I stand. And I never babbled non-sense so there's no way that you'd hate what I'm saying. I'm just plain normal but I don't get pleased easily and I want things on the right stage.

I just don't see why you can call me bad but you can't say it to the boy-hungry bitches, the maldita, matapobres, and the insensitive bitches that you're with everyday in school.

It may not be obvious, but I really loathe the feeling in the situations abovementioned. It's not good. Kung pwede lang, alamin mo muna kung ano ang tunay na masamang ugali.

Two can play that game

What have I done?! It's only now that I realized that I voluntarily grabbed something that would drive me insane in the next academic months; that is, the Oratorical B and Oral Spelling Bee for English Week 2007. Me, oratorical? Me, oratorical? Me, oratorical? Damn it, yes!

ANGKAPALNGMUKHAMOPANGET.NAGSPELLINGBEEKANALANGSANA

I was just so apathetic this morning that I just said 'yes' to Marianne when she asked me. I didn't think of things, obviously. I agreed on it so I don't have the right to complain. I'll just make a little bit of heaven out of that earth day. In lieu with English week, I thought of something. It's gonna be on February, meaning the season of CETs results. Eto lang 'yun eh. There are two things that may happen: Pananagutan will win because I'm happy and motivated; or Pananagutan will lose because I'm upset, depressed or even dead. Yeah, here I go again.

I'm gonna try this oratorical event since I haven't tried it since I entered high school. I believe I've got nothing to lose if I don't really win, do I have? Yeah, prolly my pride. ^_x Well as you all know, people dear to me, I sometimes think that I need to be perfect for this and that thing, that I cannot make mistakes. I put pressure on myself too much and I just wish that I would soon realize that everyone's just human--capable of reaching great potential but not capable of being perfect. So there, Clarissa. Just do my best and realize that this is enough. And maybe it's good if I won't compare myself to anyone and be happy with what's happening.

I'll just work and set the stage for good things to happen.

Actually, it would have been better if they will release the topic a day before the actual speech. But what the hey, they're gonna tell us 3 hours before the actual speech. Talk about a little mercy, for us.

I have to read, read, read. Prolly current rants and issues of common people, the youth, the whoever.

p.s. I'm actually doing good in school now, except for one subject. Analytic Geometry, that is. I don't know. I just don't feel good at it now. By the way, I want to take a long walk in a place with green, damp grass (NOT THE SCHOOL FIELD, PLEASE!). Walking, for me, is very very therapeutic at times like this. :)