Oh yeah.

I have so much to say that being silent is just better.

I'm feeling down.

Okay I changed my mind

I was supposed to have a new and good phone this week [and it's gonna be postpaid, baby!] but I suddenly changed my mind and told my mom that I don't want to have a phone anymore. The very simple reason is I don't find any phone of my choice right now. Ewan. Choosing for me becomes most complicated when a lot of options are presented. There's a pool of them. It's like there are too many good things and I want them all. Or it's like too many good things are offered to you that you cannot compare and decide which one to pick. I'm sure you have had that kind of feeling even just once in your life. Another thing is I feel guilty that I'm still clamoring for a new phone when I'm sure that I'm not gonna use it--as in maximum usage. And yeah, being the usual simple, contented me, I chose to stick with this Motorola I have been using for 3 years now. Eh ano naman, at least may camera at saka yung iba nga hanggang ngayon, N3310 pa ang gamit eh [no offense meant to N3310 users there]. And the most surprising and whoa-ing reason that I have is I want to by my own phone with my own money. Haha. I'm sixteen; and I remember when I was twelve or eleven, I started to become shy when it comes to asking this and that from my parents. And that shyness within me was never expunged off me. In fact, it even became uhh, stronger? Stronger shyness? Haha. Sorry. I told you I really have terrible communication skills. I have the money to spend right now but I would just want to wait for something better to come out of the market. :)

Things have been blurry in the family since Saturday. I won't put details here since it's very confidential [it's not that my parents separated or whatever matter]. Oh, elections! What have you done to them? You've driven people mad and crazy. You've made them evil. :( I never thought we'd be put in this kind of tragic and embarrassing situation that I know I would never ever forget. NEVER EVER FORGET EVEN I'M ALREADY LYING ON MY DEATHBED. Anong ginawa mo? Hindi ka dapat tularan, alam mo yun. :( Sorry you don't understand, and unless we're really really close, you'll never know all these things. I'd stop watching and hearing the news until election time finishes--hoping I'll feel light.

amateur.

Fun.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

First-degree cousins minus 3 [CLICK THE PICTURE BECAUSE I LOOK BETTER WHEN IT'S ENLARGED. HAHA.]
Joaquin Lucas Miguel, Anton Clarenzo Benedicto, Rosario Bettina Margarita, Anna Clarissa Buena. That's Red, Bedeck [my bro], Inna, and me.

So now you know that long names are very common in our family. Haha. This picture was taken last Wednesday, at the Thanksgiving Party. It was a formal affair and as you can see, we're all dressed and we really look proper--that's why I like this picture because it's so different from the usual pictures that we cousins always have--those with bungisngis faces. Haha. I love this picture except for the fact that my brother is so annoying because he didn't smile. My bangs are very big and uhh, bulky--you know what I mean. And I look 4-months pregnant wearing my dress because of the lighting. I semi lost weight and semi got thin so don't dare say that I look fat and pregnant in that picture because it's just because of the fcuking lighting! Sasakalin ko ang magsabi na mukha akong buntis d'yan! Haha. Talk about defensiveness. Yes, I am the oldest in the first-degree cousin-ry but not in the whole clan. Excuse me, noh! Haha. And the age gap between Inna and I is not that big. Only 2 years, dude. She's just really small kahit na naka-heels na siya. Haha.

So anyway, I've been busy doing things for different purposes the past days. Yesterday, I was in Festival Mall in Filinvest, Alabang because I went with my mom in her meeting with Uncle Kim--he's Korean. He told me that my Korean students will be coming from Korea on mid-May. As I have said earlier in one of my entries, those Korean kids are having difficulties in grammar and pronunciation that's why they need a good and patient English teacher. Haha! And that's me. I guess it wouldn't be that difficult since those kids are entering Brent International School so I presume that they know a lot of English despite their so-called deficiencies. The rate hasn't changed--it's still 55,555 figures! That's why I'm happy. :) I'm gonna be hitting BPI again this May! Great. This is business, baby! I'm so glad I'm earning and being productive at this age. Haha. At least I wouldn't have to rely on the family seniors that much for my miscellaneous needs and/or wants.

My friends are nowhere to be found these days. Ariane is in Hong Kong, Trixie is in Bulacan, working for her father's campaign for mayorship, Zor cannot be reached. LLSF, where have you gone? Less people are on-line. Probably they're off to places. May 8-10, I'll be in Baguio. Oh, thank the heavens, I'll be having a treat! I want to go to Canada and visit my grandmother there. She just turned 70 last April 15 and it's already quite difficult for her to travel back here for a visit. I miss her so much. :(

Please tell your parents to vote for the following senatoriables:

1. Chiz Escudero
2. Ralph Recto
3. Manny Villar
4. Joker Arroyo
5. Kiko Pangilinan
6. Alan Cayetano
7. Ed Angara

Yan! They should vote for 12 pero boto niyo na yang 7 na iyan. :) I'm actually not pro-administration. I actually prefer the opposition candidates more. Ang trapo kasi nung mga nasa Team Unity. Not all, but most of them. Team Unity's composed of underdogs of the administration. Nakakasawa na.

And yes folks, Kabataan Party List as well. :)

And please, let's observe:

Silence can say more than a thousand words.

This day shall unite us all about this unbelievable painful & shocking event and show some respect and love to those who lost their loved ones.

On April 30th 2007, the Blogosphere will hold a One-Day Blog Silence in honor of the victims at Virginia Tech. More then 30 died at the US college massacre.

But it´s not only about them. Many bloggers have responded and asked about all the other victims of our world. All the people who die every day. What about them?

This day can be a symbol of support to all the victims of our world!

All you have to do is spread the word about it and post the graphic on your blog on 30th April 2007. No words and no comments. Just respect, reflect and empathy.

read, still. :P

Sorry if I'm boring you with this but hey! I just wanna share.



aaaaah. I can't believe I only saw this now. Kim Rae Won is my new sex god! Haha. Daniel Henney's quite boring me. Haha. My Little Bride is a cute movie. Haha. I can't think of another adjective. And yeah, Kim Rae Won is there--so it makes it hot and cute! If you have watched movies of Kim Rae Won, then you know why I said it was hot. Haha. Don't get me wrong, the movie's wholesome and yes, I forgot; it's very very very funny as well! I recommend it. :)

And yeah, kiddos who still cannot vote like me, please tell your parents to vote for Kabataan Partylist. Oras na para marinig tayo. Ang galit natin ang ating armas. Iboto ang Kabataan Partylist!



[Atom Araullo, Dennis Trillo, Paolo Ballesteros in one video?! OMG. Haha.] PLEASE VOTE!

And dear folks, let us observe:

I'll be busy the weeks ahead so see yah! I'm okay now but I can still transmit the virus to anyone who hasn't had mumps yet so don't kiss and laugh with me, okay? Haha. Those are two of the ways I can transmit the virus. Haha. :P Bye!

Pagbigyan niyo na!

Isang linggo na rin akong maysakit at isang linggo na rin na hindi maganda ang panlasa ko kaya wala akong ganang kumain. Hindi ko alam, hindi naman ako nakararamdam ng gutom kahit hindi ako kumakain. Hindi kasi talaga maganda ang panlasa ko ngayon; minsan sweet na hindi mo maintindihan, minsan mapait. Ewan. Isa pa, parang pinapatay ko rin sarili ko sa sakit kapag kumakain ako. Ni pag-inom ng tubig masakit. Para bang sasabog ang mga pisngi ko habang nararamdaman kong umiinit at tumitigas ito. Sobrang sakit.

Kahit naman ganito, medyo okay naman ako sa sitwasyon kasi nakakapag-diet ako. Wala talaga ako totally kinakain. Inom lang nang inom. Sinasamantala ko kapag bagong inom lang ako ng pain reliever kasi dun hindi pa masyadong masakit. Tamang-tama. Sabayan pa yung pain reliever na 500mg ng 500mg din na Paractamol. Ayos. Plakda agad sa kama ang abot ko. See? Wala na talagang pagkakataon na kumain kahit gusto ko man. At saka, okay nga eh kasi papayat na ako. At least, hindi na ako mukhang baboy na naninikip ang damit sa college. Ayos. :) I laaaab et!

Ngayong araw, apat na pirasong kwek-kwek lang kinain ko. Yun lang. Nate-tempt akong kumain ng sandwich kanina kasi may nakita akong California Raisin Bread at saka Mayonnaise pagbukas ko ng ref. Sarap sana nun, may cheese eh kaso lang naisip ko kapag bread ang kinakain ko ngayon, ang panget ng lasa. Niluluwa ko rin. What's the point diba? Natulog nalang ako.

Gusto ko na talagang gumaling. This sucks. Ang hirap kahit na lahat ng attention binibigay sa'kin ngayon. Ang hirap kasi umaasa ako sa gamot--which is not a good thing kasi masama ang masaydong gamot sa liver. Daranasin ko rin ang lifetime aftermath nito pagtanda ko. Hwag naman sana masyadong malala. Nakadepende kasi ako sa pain relievers. Iba kasi talaga ang sakit. Alam niyo ba yung mga eksena na napapanood niyo sa Philippine movies/TV na maysakit yung isang tao na malala tapos bigla nalang siya aatakihin ng sakit at magstru-struggle siya para uminom nang gamot tapos biglang mawawala yung sakit na nararamdaman niya? Akala ko pang TV lang yun pero lately ganun ang eksena ko tuwing madaling-araw at tanghali. Ewan ko ba kung bakit sa mga ganung oras. Lately mas naging irregular pa nga ang sleeping schedule ko kasi kapag umiinom ako ng gamot, nakakatulog ako agad. Minsan nagigising nang madaling-araw. Minsan hapon na. Minsan gabi. Gisingin man ako para kumain, ayoko rin.

Pero kahit na gumaling na ako, ime-maintain ko pa rin yung pagkain nang ganito. Masyado na akong mataba. Oo na, masyado nang insecure sa katawan. Alam ko yun. I believe every girl comes to this stage that I am currently on. This stage wherein girls feel that their physical attributes aren't good enough. As for my case, I am really quite big and fat; and also, I think I'm a little bit dark. I wanna feel good kaya I want to improve it. Let's just see if I can change the fatso me. :)

They say the heat makes the hair grow faster. Sana. I want to have my hair colored LIKE THIS.


Hate PacMan. He's such an underdog to the Arroyo adminsitration. Sus. Ang kapal. Even his mother is against his candidacy. Heller Manny, mothers know best.

Sakitin ka kasi

My condition has gone worse. I now even have rashes all over my body because of my body's reaction to the virus. :(

I've been reading Harper's Illustrated Biochemistry again this summer. Like what I've said before, I'm going to spend most of my time reading books to load-up my poor puny brain with new things. Harper's book has been my reference way back in 2nd year High School Biology. I rarely read the book that we had for exams because everything else was there in Harper's. I'm back to Krebs Cycle now. Haha.

Anyway, I checked on Hanyang Medical School in Seoul's site and checked on the requirements for medical school studies there. Going there to study Medicine is one of my goals after my undergraduate studies in UP [naks, wala pa nga may plans na] because Hanyang is one of the top medical schools in Asia. And according to a lot of medical materials I've read, South Korea offers a great deal when it comes to Asian and Oriental Medicine. I found out that the process of application there is very difficult and quite a hassle. They still require foreign students to have this Langueagee Prougrams that they offer when the fact is they will be using English medical books naman. Hay nako. It's not that I don't want to learn the foreign language but I think it's just pointless. Isn't it that they should be the one to study English instead? Here in the Philippines, we don't have Tagalog-written medical books. But I saw their Med School curriculum and it's really nice. They even have Foot Surgery included in their curriculum. Foot Surgery. Isn't that uncanny and nice? Haha. Of course they have Biochimstry and Mouleculare Biology. Haha. I don't want the to take the Language Program. I won't be needing that much since they said that all instructions in lectures are in English and not in Korean. Oh well, since I really want to enter Hanyang, I guess I have to take their Langueagee Prougrams.

Everyone here in home laughs whenever they see my very very fat face. I laugh, too when I see myself in the mirror. I do not look like my old self anymore. Mukhang kargador ng siopao sa Binondo ang mukha ko. I'm scary. Madeline doesn't even recognize me. She's not going to me whenever I call her. :( And it really aches like hell. It's been three days that I've been waking up in midnight because of the pain and it just sucks that the pain reliever won't effect that fast--and I can't take pain relievers more than once a day because that would burn my liver off. The rashes are very red, hot and itchy especially at night. I don't know if my face would still be bigger the next days because it's just Day 3 today--and this viral infection commonly lasts for 2 weeks. My front teeth also ache now because of the different biting position due to the inflammation of the parotid glands just beside the molars. Everything's painful and ugly :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRIZZA ABILLAR! I MISS YOU NA, BES! [APRIL 15] :) I'M SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO GO TO YOUR PLACE YESTERDAY :( I'M SICK.

Queen of Epidemics

This is the saddest day of my life. The impulse just destroyed the momentum [remember Physics]. This is so sad. :(

I thought the record was already broken last year. But hey, it's just April and 2007 has almost just started! Pwede pang pang-habol sa nawala sa 2006. And yes, my friends, there's another addition to my list: Small Pox, Chicken Pox, Dengue Stage II, __________

MUMPS. BEKE
BILATERAL MUMPS. BEKE SA DALAWANG PISNGI.

I am such an unfortunate person. I should be partying at this moment of time at Bopeep's birthday bash but due to this unfortunate event that I just came to know the moment I woke up early in the morning, I am here quarantined at home.

I sought for my baby records this morning and checked if I had been given the MMR vaccine because I plan to blame my mom if I see that I haven't been given those shots. What the hell, that was even the first vaccine injected to me and I had booster doses after. My brother, who in the other hand also had mumps in the past weeks also have been given MMR. So it's a proven fact that vaccines do not give 100% assurance that you'll be protected until sixteen years of age.

My cheeks, my neck, my back ache like hell. And add to this unfortunate day that there has been a 7-hour power interruption in the whole vicinity that I live in. I was really itching to go to somewhere else but my mom said it'll just make it worse. I can take the pain but I just can't take my ugly face whenever I look at it in the mirror. My cheeks are very fat, they're round, big, and very plumpy. It reminds me of a schoolmate whose cheeks are of the same descriptions abovementioned; plus her cheeks are very unproportional to her built. Eeew. This is the main reason why I would prefer hiding myself than to go out and swim in the clubhouse like me brother did today. It makes me think that I look like her. Yikes! I have thrice the size of Jollibee's cheeks. I'm Humpy Dumpy--special Chinese siopao version. It's actually funny; and it's hard for me to laugh because the moment I do, it would just ache unbearably. Hell, why did this happen to me?! Buti nalang summer. Unlike the past years, I always get sick when it's August--when it's exam season; which makes the teachers in school think that I'm not really sick at all. Ridiculous.

I'll be missing a lot of fun tonight. Finch Patrol's there--and EHEM. Finch Patrol wouldn't be complete without Me -- their forever industrious project-maker. Haha. :) I love those people even though they made me mad a lot of times last school year.

Thank God there's Jollibee Burger Steak and Chickenjoy. I haven't eaten the whole day because I have appetite loss. Jollibee would only be the one to make me eat although eating when you have mumps is the suckiest thing ever. I don't care about the pain basta Jollibee! Haha.

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, TRACY BERNADETTE VIDAD. YOU CONFUSE ME, YOU KNOW. HAHA. :)

Up again

Okay now I know. I may have probably developed a sleep disorder due to my abusive sleeping habits in the first weeks of summer. I sleep early but wake up too early. I was very productive these past two days of the week and hell, I swear I am dog-tired. At around 7pm, I went to my room and flopped without caring about how messy my room is. And yes, I woke up too early. 1am. And the same thing happened to me today. So whatevs, I can't sleep now whatever I do. I've been already curling myself for almost an hour and have been trying different sleeping 'positions' but I still cannot sleep. That's why I ended here, hoping that my eyes would be heated up by the radiation rays of the monitor and I would be [hopefully] able to sleep.

I went to UP today. You know what I love about commuting and riding public transportation vehicles? It allows me to observe a lot of different people. You get to know a lot of things when you commute. You learn a lot when you do that. Always, always. Another thing that I love doing whenever I'm out of the home is walking on a nice place. I like walking no matter how long the distance is when the place is nice. I went to UP today and just walked inside the campus although I've been really itching to have a Toki ride because I was already lost. But hey, I thought I need to learn how to get to my destination the hardest way before I do the easier way. It didn't matter too much to me since walking has been almost a therapeutic treat for me.

Seeing a lot of girls my age with boyfriends and having PDAs/PDEs alarms me. I always remember TeenSTAR whenever I come to instances like this. I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way but it's just not good to see young teen-age couples hugging/cuddling while in or walking in malls. Eeew. Eeew. Err. Yuck. Definitely that's one of the situations I would never see myself in. PDAs/PDEs? No way. And now that I'll be soon entering college, I still don't think that I'm going to be in the same situation. I don't even think that I'll be having this thing they call special someone in college since my goals have been already set and I think having one would just hinder me from attaining them. Nobody knows how desperate and paranoid I am when I have thoughts of entering med school after 4 years of undergraduate studies in the university. I won't forgive myself if I'd do something that would just pull me down. I would love to have a good social life when I get to college--I'll be needing that to lighten up the pressure a little bit and of course for me to grow and learn things, too; but I think having a special someone would be last in the list. And as one friend puts it, if ever madala ako, you won't see me PDA-ing or PDE-ing around. No mushy schmaltzy things that may lead to somewhere. I'd always put in mind all the things in TeenSTAR; all those things are tools for me to get into the right way. Haha. I really do appreciate the subject although it was just a minor one when I was in my senior year in high school. It's so useful.

Oh my. I hate this. I am not yet sleepy.

--
I check my e-mail today and look what I found. This is ridiculous and very funny. Errr. Some crazy girl friend nominated me in this thing. Haha! I do not know if I'd be happy or if I'd be shy or what. Whatevs. It's still kind of flattering. Haha. :)

details of events

Since I was a kid, I have never known any other college. It was put to mind by the people I live with that I should go there. And I am destined to be there. And as I grew older, being there has been my ultimate academic dream and the process I have undergone just to be there wasn't as easy as the others'. But now I'm close to it, I just can't feel that I'm happy.

After all the CETs last year, I have dreamt of passing Ateneo but imagined myself going to UP. That dream I had never came true and honestly, that made me bitter because I just couldn't accept the fact that many deserving people passed and many UNdeserving people incredibly passed as well. I know that for other people, I may be one of those 'undeserving people', too; and it's just really unfortunate for me to not be able to be included in the list of 'undeserving people who passed'. Since there was nothing I could do about it and wouldn't want to force myself into an institution who could not offer a slot to me, I let all the bitterness pass. Goodbye Ateneo, I have never known you. The next week came and I came to school seeing ecstatic batchmates. Hey, hey! UPCAT results came out. Here I felt most terrified thinking of possible results since I didn't make it in the great A. And you know the rest of the events. Days passed and here comes a result again. Now, from UST. And wow, that was truly an ego boost for me. I passed both my choices. Degree programs which UST is known for and degree programs that people often choose but people also often fail to be qualified. I may have not shown it but I was happy and I looked forward to going to UST but you know what happened.

I am not going to UST Nursing, I'm going to UP though there were a lot of times when I thought of going to UST Nursing instead. There was even an instance wherein I was already about to confirm my slot there because I was blinded just by the thought of the monetary benefits I'd have if I'd go to UST Nursing. But I'm not sure if I'd be happy with all those monetary benefits I'd be having if ever. And I do not want to be confined in UST's high school-ish society. I feel that if I'd go there, it's like not leaving high school at all. I won't grow there. I need to be in somewhere where I could do a lot of things; where I would be part of the real society. That's why I chose to be in there.

You know what's weird? I'm not happy about it. I am not really happy. I don't know why. :( I'm even more excited for my DLSU friends who'll be already stepping to college this May. I wonder how I would feel on my first day on college. There are questions in my mind like what will I wear? how will I make friends? will I get along well with the opposite sex because I'm from an all-girl school? will there be 'introduce yourself' sessions in the class? Too many questions, only one day will answer. I just hope it'll work out fine. I wonder how difficult my academics will be. I just hope I'd be able to manage all with a little bit of extra-curricular. College is for real so there's no sense playing because if I'd do that, I'll be dead.

I have not done anything productive yet. In May I will. I will be teaching Korean Brent kids grammar in English. Those kids are the children of my grandaunt's Korean tenant in Ayala Alabang. Their past English teacher which is a Filipina by the way, borrowed 200,000 pesos from them and never came back that's why they asked my mom to refer an English grammar teacher who is trustworthy. I asked my mom how much would be the rate for each session and the rate is overly great. So why not? Haha. I suppose they know a little bit English naman because those kids are studying at Brent International School. International school, baby! They won't survive there not knowing English. Haha. My mom said she has met the kids and she told me that they're pretty fine and they just really need to work on their grammar and pronunciation.

I'll be 5-figures richer than all of you guys! 55,555. Haha. :)

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY MAXIROSE BERNARDINO ENRIQUEZ! LOVE YOU. :)

puny high schooler no more

You know what I like about short hairs? It's the fact that you don't have to brush it always and fix it up for it to look manageable and neat. For busy and lazy women, short hair is very ideal because it's simply wash 'n wear. :)

I should undergo medical and dental examinations blah blah and blah for university admission so later I will be calling The Medical City to schedule myself for a medical and dental check-up. Great! I like it there although it's quite far. It's okay since I get free 'services' and treatments there. I actually would like to try going to the posh Asian Hospital and Medical Center in Alabang but my mom said there's no need and that it would be too impractical to go far even though I can get checked-up there for free; and whatever diagnosis will be, it would just be the same wherever hospital. I like hospitals. They're cold, white, and very clean. This is weird but I do love the 'hospital scent'. Funfunfun!

It's really weird that despite the beating sun this summer, I do not really feel the humid and heat unlike before. I seriously look crazy wearing a long-sleeved shirt [duh, she always wears long-sleeved tops] and a pajama right now. I have been like this the past few days. I look someone sick living in Alaska who feels really cold. I do feel cold and I don't sleep with the fan on these days; but I am not sick. This is so uncanny. I am so uncanny. I will forever be uncanny.

But I love that fact. :)

*Aww. there would be no more blog entries put in my high school category because high school's over. :( I am now an incoming college freshman! It hasn't sunk in yet. [now this last statement is the only thing related to this entry's title. haha]

All Alone

I have three projects waiting for me but I just can't resist blogging at this point of time. I'm too motivated; or shall I say I have too much within me that I just can't let out here at home that I have to resort to this outlet--blogging.

These past few days, I have just discovered my major weaknesses. These weaknesses I have are really big matters that affect me so much. So much that I end up injured and affronted most of the time. First, is my inability to say no to people when they ask favors from me. I have this bad attitude of just agreeing and agreeing and saying yes when people ask me to do something. Our group projects, for instance. I just realized last night as I went back through some past things that I have done the last months in my senior year that I have done most of the projects that are supposedly group projects. The reasons? 1 is that some of my groupmates are really useless and there's no sense asking them to this and that for a help. 2 is that most of my groupmates are hardcore procrastinators--which I proudly say I am not; that's why I end up doing the project because I want to finish ahead or in time. I am so OC when it comes to projects--I want them organized, presentable and really good that's why when I see that there's not so much effort given to it, I usually give my all. In effect, I do the project alone. All by myself.

I cried shit in front of 24 people today because of shit. I don't want to reiterate things all over again but I really feel bad. This.is.the.first.time.someone.doubted.my.credibility.as.a.leader. My pride was crushed. I can't believe I'd actually breakdown that fast. And I cannot deny that I really am mad to most of them--them who I have served for almost a year. They just don't know how difficult it is for me to follow-up every week, remind them through different communication tools so that they won't forget. As a leader, I believe that I must voice-out whatever it is that they have to say so I forward it to the authority. Now, you just turned your backs against me. I swear I felt like shit a while ago, standing, defending my self all alone and them just there, passively present in that room. I have to take all the blames, the consequences, everything else! And as a bonus, I have been labeled as a dishonest officer for saying their complaints that can't be justified just because of the mere fact that I don't want to name-drop. So much that I cannot take it. I have been a student council treasurer, secretary way back in gradeschool. Club secretary, vice president and president in high school and in those years, I know that I have done all my duties and responsibilities without giving damage unto others. And now she'll just say that she thinks that all those things were just lies?! Oh come on. What have I done to you? Not to brag but I really do think that I am a person who is leader-material and I can manage things and I really have that commanding power. I am not misleading things in the club; I am actually making it better. Just because I don't want to name-drop, you hint that I'm lying. Tell me, who's a good leader that would name-drop and put her members down?

I just cannot take it. It's too much.

I hate myself for being so weak. I am not strongface. Not really but I swear I will! I will.
The incident that happened today will not happen ever again. I swear.

This has made me decide. I am not yet the person that I want to be. And in order to be that person, I should enter a university where I will be molded into a person who is fully brave, strong and free. Pakapalan na talaga sa kolehiyo. Ayoko na. I must be strong in order to not breakdown again when things like this happen--where people just seem to turn away from you. I have to stand up for myself cause no any other will.

Count me in the aktibista populace now. I'm in.

So EAGER to Launch

I desperately want to move out of this house. As in. Okay, I'm getting back to this stage again. The last time I experienced this thing, I found no excuse to move out [well of course way back that time, I was just starting my senior high school year]. Now, I'm going to college--to a very [well, not realy very] far university in the heart of the capital. This situation actually offers a great, reasonable excuse for me to move out and start living a great single life. But no, I was wrong. They're hindering me, stopping me and they actually want to confine me in this multiple cornered home I've been.

A lot of people who have heard my idea of condorm-ing said that it might be difficult. They always say that the mere fact that I have to do all the housework [cleaning, cooking, laundry] makes it very difficult. Well maybe yes, it will be difficult but I think I'm already used with those things. Living a life where maids and househelpers are very useless, I think I have already trained myself to do those things; well of course, except for the laundry because the automatic washing machine does that for us. I won't take any reason for me not to like moving out as of this moment--because I really want to. And if you're thinking of the safety of the place [well because Manila proper is not really the ideal place to live in], well let's not mind that, let me die if I should when that time comes.

What's driving me to these ideas? Well, if I tell you the whole story, probably you'll suggest that I just stab all the people here, including the canine dog sleeping right now. It's simple: I don't want to live with people who never saw nice things in me. I don't want to live with people who always blame me for every stupid/wrong/bad/unfortunate thing that happens. Like come one, was I born to be blamed for everything bad? I don't think so. Another thing, I don't want living with people who always tell me to change. Change. Change. Change. Actually, I really want to start a change. I want to start it with YOU but you keep on stopping me.

Since you always say that I'm a big burden and all you want to do is spend time with your 10-year-old son who I believe is gay, then why not send me out and we'd be both happy. Wouldn't it be nice if this plan pushes through? It will be; at least in my part.

Welcome, lovely February! :) &hearts

Parental Issues

It's just dismaying to know that my parents do not really trust me after all.

One of my friends told me that she might be occupying a condorm [condo/dorm hehe] unit near UST and she asked me if I want to share with her together with some friends. I liked the idea, of course; knowing that UST is really quite far from my place and I hate waking up very early for classes so I told my mom. They disagreed.

Para ano? Makalakwatsa?
Saan ka naman nakakita ng taga Quezon City na nag-dorm pa dyan lang sa España.

Diyan lang sa España. Wow. Diyan lang pala ha. Sige nga, ihatid niyo ako at sunduin araw-araw. Tignan natin kung di kayo magngitngit niyan dahil sa layo.

It's clear. They don't have faith in me. They think that I just want to move out because I'm excited of getting in to the real world--college that is. Probably they think in college, I'll be meeting someone, get a boyfriend, hang-out with him all day, all night long and have weird yet great sex in that condorm. Yes, that's what they think. Great.

Kinalaunan niyan, sa takot at hiya kong magpakilala sa kanila ng isang tao kahit na matanda na ako, eh hindi pa ako mag-aasawa niyan. Kawawa naman ako. :(

They want me to kill my social life. And take note, sinumbat pa nila sa'kin 'yung gimmicks ko. What the hey. I started gimmicking at 14, when I was in sophomore high. Come on, did I do something wrong? I'm still here, on the way to college, not pregnant, not high on drugs or something.

I'm so irritated now. I'm not irritated because I wasn't allowed to dorm.
I'm mad because they don't trust me.

Kung kelan pa ako tumanda, doon pa ako hinigpitan.

---
Our recollection's on Sunday. Yes, this Sunday.
Give me a palanca, please. :)
Thank you very much. :)

Daniel Henney! <3

An old classmate texted me this morning: Heyah! Musta na? Sana blockmates tayo sa UP! He said he saw my name in the list [BA Sociology daw] when he went to check at UP. Of course I didn't believe him since it has already sunk in to me that I didn't pass. Baka yun lang din 'yung akala ko na ako kasi Anne Clarisse Reyes yung name. So baka false alarm lang katulad nung sa Ateneo na inaway ko pa 'yung isa kong kaibigan kasi bwiset. The funny thing there is, sana blockmates tayo! Wahahaha. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Okay, shut up. :|

Lagi nalang niyo ako niloloko pag dating sa mga ganyan! Hindi na ako magpapaloko at aasa ngayon. WAHAHAHAHAHA. Gusto ko na sa UST. Gusto ko na. Wag niyo baguhin yung isip ko, okay? :) Maybe the God has a better plan for me there. ULK. Haha. Siguraduhin lang niya. Hahahaha. :)

I'm hooked on Spring Waltz again--for the third time this is! hahaha. :)




..and meet my boyfriend, Daniel Henney. <3 hahahaha. :D Aaaaaaaaaaaah. One year now. Haha. :D Okay, wag nang patulan. :D

So little time

Exams next week. I really do not know how I will manage my time to review for three subjects in one night. On Monday, we'll be having whole-day classes and then the next day, we'll be having the mother of all tests: Physics--with two other subjects. I hate it when this happens. The tendency in cases just like this is I will devote all my time to Physics and will ignore the other subjects. I just can't leave Physics behind since I'm really serious in making my Physics grade more satisfactory--good.

I'm done studying for Teenstar. I really do not know why the school is up with this rule that every subject must have a long written test. It's actually pointless. For instance, Music and PE--subjects that should be based on practical skills. Blech. Mukhang tanga lagi nalang sumusunod sa mga rules na wala naman atang sumusunod.

Anyway, I'm now super hooked on Kim Chiu and Gerald Anderson's Sana Maulit Muli. I like the series. It's so young. Actually, I just like the song. Plus, Gerald Anderson's really hot.

Yesterday, at Zor's place: The six of us were inside Zor's room, computer's on, music playing, people doing different things.

Me: San tayo pupunta? (I meant here a website/webpage to visit)
Zor: sa Mozilla Firefox (ampf. parang wala akong computer at Mozilla sa bahay)

Danielle playing hard rock music

Me: Danielle, bat mo iniba? sa seynti nga lang (senti)
Ariane: seynti raw, seynti! BWISET.

Danielle: ayaw gumana nito, ayusin mo nga
Me: ano ako? technician? gagawin mo pa akong Erwin Odivurr dyan
Zor: odivurr
Ariane: turns to a giant strawberry. hahaha. :D

AT Jollibee Don Antonio
Ariane: si Gerald (Anderson) o!
Me: *tumalikod nang mabilis* SAAN?
Ariane: hahahahahaha.
okay, yun pala sa poster lang sa Jollibee. Bwiset.

I didn't know that I wasn't able to save my last blog layout so I guess I'll just make a new one after the exams just to make this presentable. I like this plain default one, though. :D

Kiss 2006 goodbye

WELCOME 2007!

Okay all I wish is everything that would be happening in this new year would be great and fine. According to Chinese readings, the year 2007 is the perfect time to harvest all the fruits of your hardwork in the past year, 2006. I guess I worked hard so I really am hoping for something good this year. Please lang noh. Haha. Sorry ka nalang kung di kay nag-'hardwork' noong 2006, wala ka talagang maha-'harvest'. Haha.

2006 was quite a good year for me but it was really a stressful year as well. I remember mga January 2006, stressed kaming lahat sa school. There's the stress brought by Trigo, Chem, Geom, the term paper, exams, and the promdate-hunting. Haha. The year 2006 was one tiring year for me. Andyan 'yung Boosters noong February and intrams practises just this December. Haha. Up to now, I cannot still get over Aeris' victory. Haha. :D

Oh well 2006, it was quite good with you. 2007, I hope and pray that we'll be more okay. Haha. Yuck, it rhymed.

Anyway, BREAK NA SINA ANGEL LOCSIN AT OYO BOY SOTTO! Okay, I'm not anti-Angel Locsin. I like her actually. She's very versatile and really beautiful and I think she's also a good girl. What I was really against to is her relationship with her late boyfriend's cousin, Oyo Boy Sotto. Ewan. Come to think of it. Diba parang kadiri at saka nakakahiya. Wala lang. Oh well, ang sad naman ng new year niya. Sayang.

Japan is one big Ortigas Center! The streets of Tokyo are very busy at daytime and it becomes livelier in night time. Grabe! Mas nakaka-whoa siya pag gabi kasi nung first day namin tas daytime, medyo akala ko masagwa kasi may mga dugyot na hapon na naglalakad sa daan. Haha. Not to be racist but some japanese are really unhygienic. I think what makes them not really hygiene-conscious is the fact that a large populace of their population lives in apartments. Since apartment naman 'yan at maraming tao, hindi talaga maiiwasan na maging unsanitary so wala nang pakialamanan. Ewan. That's just what I have observed in my stay there. Overall, Japan is a very nice place in Asia. It's very progressive, very modern. I hope the Philippines would be like that someday. The Watsons store we've been into is just fabulous! Parang siyang isang mall ng health and beauty na parang gift shop na rin. Basta, it's so different from our Watsons here. 7 Eleven rocks! Haha. Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng 7 Eleven na may tindang cellphones at gadgets. First-world countries are just really whoa-ing.

Okay here's a very very random babble before I end this. I just can't let this pass.
It is of my opinion that the Subic Rape Case involving this Nicole girl is being so sensationalized. Come on, let's face the truth. That Nicole girl was not the only woman raped by an American GI staying here in the country. There are a lot of them, actually. This is acutally one of the reasons why there are a lot of amboys and tisays in our country; especially in Subic, Olongapo that do not know their real fathers. It just happened that Nicole brought the matter into the public kaya nagkaganun. Honestly, I do not believe that girl that she was actually raped. And wait, she was seen voluntarily going inside the van where she was 'raped', right? Meaning she was not really forced by that hotter-than-hot Daniel Smith. Here's the thing. Maybe yeah, she voluntarily went with Daniel Smith and had sex with him that night and after all the thing that happened, she just realized that what she went into was altogether wrong that's why she went to the police. Oh come on. Kung 'di ka ba naman talaga ganun kalandi eh, bat ka nasa bar at sumama ka pa sa kano na 'yun? I'm sorry for judging the Nicole girl pero kasi ano'ng tawag mo dun? I just really hate how her folks sensationalize this event as if this is the first time it happened. By the way, that Daniel Smith is really hot. Sayang ka.

Cold fun

I'm back! :D I quite enjoyed the trip--especially at the plane--where I was seated next with someone I didn't know because the seat number sucks. Haha. It's no sarcasm. I enjoyed it; especially when we were on our way to Jp.

Okay I have too many school works to finish. The goal book, econ. Yeah, goal book and econ project and yeah, math homework.

The whole stay in Jp made my left boob hurt a lot. Haha. Malamig kasi eh, duh.

I'm so happy! :D No, not because of the trip. Basta.

I'll make a better entry tomorrow, when I get home from my grandmom's home. Yeah, with pictures. :D Haha. As if eh ampf.

Catch Me

I'm leaving my home tomorrow at around 8:00 am tomorrow. I really do not know since I'm so apathetic with this 'tour'. I know I won't enjoy since I'm so tired and stressed with those college application results. Anyway, I have to do at least half of my prosec goal book tonight, and a little bit of the computer project tomorrow morning.

I watched Gua Ai Di with friends today. Robinsons malls are the best! It's unlike SM malls na masyadong maraming tao to the point na nakahihilo na talaga. The problem is it's too big, we can;t even find where National Bookstore is!

There's a shortage of taxis here in the country. We spent one hour and a half (I think) in just waiting for a taxi who would accommodate us. Mapagsamantala pa yung taxi na nasakyan namin. Pagpalain siya ng Diyos.

We went to the famous Edsa Shrine. We were supposed to pray inside the airconditioned church but there was a mass being held so we just went up the shrine and explored it. Haha. We were really like tourists from some very rural province in the Philippines.

Before I enter college, I make sure that I already have a pink Moto L7/L6 SLVR. Mark my word.

TRIXIE: Thanks sa libre! Ang mahal! Haha.
ZOR: Unang-una kitang tatawagan sa December 31, 2006/January 1, 2007. Wag mo kalilimutan 'yan. Haha.

Bye.,

Don't Come, 2007!

I just found out that Ariane and a few of my friends who took the DLSU-CET passed. Congrats. You're all happy. Trixie, if you took the test then you surely would pass. I'm not kidding.

I hate this. I hate this. I don't want 2007 to come.

January 4, 2007 (NEXT THURSDAY) - ACET RESULTS. Oh, I'm gonna die.
Early February, 2007 - UPCAT Results. I'm really going to die.
Sometime in January/February - USTET Results --> sorry, I'm not really looking forward to this. Blah.

Stupid me. I must have taken the DLSU-CET.

I sincerely hope and pray to the Almighty God up there that he gives me what I really want and not what I don't want.

Have mercy, please.

How can this Christmas be happy if I'm thinking about a lot of things. There's the CETs' results, prosec project, econ project, bullcrap computer project and cl project.

So many things to do in just 9 days. So many things to think of in just 9 days.

This.is.not.the.life.I.wished.for.

OH CRAP.

SM fan no more

We had christmas shopping today with two of my friends. We were all broke and it really sucked. We just can't buy what we want to buy. Grrrr. I really hate the year 2006.

We went to SM North today thinking that it's the best place to shop. Wtf shit. WE HATE SM NORTH! It's so big, so cold and we really felt tired after going to around 3 shops palang. Our feet were really aching and we can't go farther anymore. After buying something at Bench Body, Zor left me and I still have to go to 5 more shops to buy gifts since I wasn't able to buy things when they were still around. Ewan ko kung bakit. Haha. :D

You know what I hated the most? It's the burden of strolling around a mall that I am not really familiar to. Bwiset yan. Ang laki laki pa ng SM North parang SM Mall of Asia. Ang lamig pa sa TheBlock.

Sa sobrang tanga ko ngayon lang ako nakauwi. Balak ko sana mag-commute pauwi kaso lang ang linaw ng sabi sa'kin ni Zor kung paano raw kaya nagpasundo nalang ako. Ngayon lang talaga ako umuwi as in at this moment of typing. Bwiset yan. Napagalitan pa ako ang tanga ko raw, di raw ako marunong magbasa.

Anyway, on the brighter side..

12 more days until I get to


okay gawa na ako ng pompoms. bye.