Will miss much

Student's take-over today. Trixie and I taught in 2 junior sections in place of the faculty superstar Ms Aniago.

Noli me Tangere. Kabanata 37. Ang Kapitan Heneral.

No offense to the juniors who might have the chance to read this. I think their behavior's just really ridiculous. I mean yeah, we are in fact only student-teachers and probably we won't really earn that much respect from them but what the hey, how about even just a tinge? Like come on, do you play with your mobile phone's keypads and send messages in front of your mentors? And another thing, who said inhaling a whole container of Vick's Vapor Rub in right in front of your teachers is not at all distracting and disgusting?

As far as I remember, I never behaved that bad even though I had classes in the past years conducted by student teachers. Sorry, I just realized that some schoolmates can be that rude. Again, some. I didn't say all.

Anyway, we had fun with the experience. It would have been more fun if only they read and participated and grabbed the opportunity of getting those colored balloons to be stuck on their index cards. Only the smart ones did that sadly. It was fun staying in the 'faculty room' though. :)

The week ahead will be a hectic week. Monday is club field trip--will be out the whole day; will be missing a lot of Math, Physics, Anal Geom and Teenstar; will have to make-up for the Teenstar quiz. Tuesday will be half day for Via and I--will be going to UP Diliman to interview someone for the social action paper; will miss Math. Wednesday--we'll be helping for the set-up of the THE Week. Thursday & Friday--I'll be a total slave working for English and Physics.

I'm expecting zits and hideous eye bags to come.
More motion sickness during dismissal time.
More headaches.
More conflicts with sensitive group mates.
More blames to carry.

and there are still 35 more hell days before I finally say goodbye to high school.

Life was much sweeter during junior year; I just realized that a while ago.

Bouts of schizophrenia

I'm okay now. I'm actually happy. Happy happy happy! Okay, not really that happy as in fulfilled, pleased, satisfied and whatever. Basta I'm happy!

I'm so excited to push through our social action paper. Its topic is why are UP students have been always generalized as activists? I'm happy because I e-mailed this person from UP Diliman that I don't really know personally. I asked him if he can be possibly available for an interview and when I checked my mail kanina, he replied! :)

So I guess I'll be half-day present on Tuesday because I'll be interviewing him. I hope one of my groupmates is willing to be half-day absent on Tuesday next week. Hello, I don't want to look stupid because I'm lost in UP Diliman. And I don't want to wander around that nice university and be emo; ayoko na ng self-pity pucha. Ang ganda ganda ng paaralang naghihintay sa'kin sa kolehiyo eh tas magpapaka-emo ako dun.

O kita niyo na, malungkot na ako. Kanina lang sabi ko masaya ako.

Kaninang umaga, masaya ako. May nanggago sa'kin habang naglo-Love on the Ramp tas nanggalaiti na ako sa galit. After nun, umuwi ako, lalo akong nagalit. Naging masaya. Ngayon, malungkot na.

Me = insane.

This is weird. I never dreamt of pursuing my studies in UP Diliman. It has been always UP Manila for me. Tapos ngayon nagsisisi ako sana 'di ko na nilagay 'yung UP Manila sa choices ko. UP Diliman nalang sana.

Ang tanga tanga tanga ko naman ngayon ko lang 'yun naisip. Ang bagal gumana ng utak ko. Ang bagal talaga. Grawr. Dinosaur ba ako, Inay? Bat naman ganun.

Oh well, waitlisted naman na ako eh. Haha. Don't ask how that happened. :| ;) Haha. Pasensya na kung unfair sa ibang mas matalino sa'kin. Haha. Surree. :)
Kailangan ko na 'tong pag-isipan. Saan ba talaga? Grawr.

Naiinis ako kapag tinatawag akong Ann. Ano ba yun. Jusko.

putaangkapalmotalagaleche

ang kapal ng mukha mo.
plastic.
synthetic.
hypocrite.
ang lakas ng loob mong sabihin 'yun sa ibang tao sa harap ko pa.

Sorry, one-sided bitch, I heard all of the things you said about me.

You know why I don't rely that much on my groupmates, especially on you?

BECAUSE I DON'T GET SOMETHING GOOD AND PLEASING FROM YOU.

Wala kang pakundangan. If I know kung hindi pa matino ang grades ng projects natin, talagang lagapak ka na sa Physics. Wag mo akong gaganyanin dahil hindi mo alam 'yang mga sinasabi mo. Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Pa-sweet friend effect ka sa school, hindi lang nila alam kung gaano ka katagilid. Tagilid lahat sa'yo eh. Ang hirap mong intindihin. Insecure ka. Lagi mong tingin nalulugi ka. Ewan ko sa'yo.

Anong sabi mo? Nilalahat ko lahat ng gawain para sa akin lahat yung grades? Aba, ang galing mo ha. Eh di sana nag-dedefense ako mag-isa, ginagawa ko 'yung project nang mag-isa. Siguro 'yun ang akala mo kasi hindi mo naman nakikita lagi ang ginagawa namin. Teka, ilang beses ka ba pumunta sa meetings? Isa, dalawang beses? Tapos sinong unang umuuwi? Ako ba, ako ba, ako ba?! Diba ikaw? Ikaw yang may schedule issues lagi. Pa-star ka. Lagi nalang andyan na, parating na ang sundo, may family gathering minsan may Ateneo fair pa. Shit, ang lupit. Wag mo sa'kin isisi 'yang leche mong schedule na pinalalabas mo pa, iresponsable ako dahil 'di ko kayo ini-inform nang maaga. Bakit, isa ka bang dakilang mag-aaral na hindi nagpro-procrastinate? Wow, bilib ako sa'yo. Sana makita ko pangalan mo sa top20 list. Bakit, pwede ka ba ngayon? Hindi rin naman ah. At ikaw lang ba ang may ginagawa sa mundo para intindihin ang schedule? Ano ka, artista?

At saka teka nga, diba dati may pinagawa ako sa'yo na significance? Asan na? Namuti mata ko sa kahihintay wala naman ako napala. Walang pakundangan. Gagawa ka ang ikli, mas mahaba pa yung mga chismis at pamba-backstab mo pag sinulat. Ilan sa ating lima ang nagcra-cram before the submission date? Dalawa. At sinasabi kong hindi ka isa sa'ming dalawa. Kasi ang saya ng buhay mo eh.

Kung may reklamo ka po, sabihin mo po sa'kin sa susunod ha. At saka po sana kung ichi-chismis mo po ako sa kaibigan mo at kung ano-ano ang sasabihin mo, siguraduhin mo po na hindi ko naririnig at wala po ako dyan sa tabi-tabi ha. Sayang naman po yung effort niyo na mam-backstab kasi nabubuking po kayo agad.

Wag ka po magpapakita sa'kin ha. Wag ka po magte-text sa'kin kasi baka kung ano po ma-reply ko sa'yo eh. Alam mo naman po ako, makasarili, naggagaling-galingan, at saka higit sa lahat, know-it-all. Wow, lupit ko. Ang tagal ko sigurong mamatay kasi masamang damo ako sa mundong 'to noh? Ikaw, mabait ka kasi eh. Good girl, sana kunin ka na ni Lord.

Saka ka nalang po magpakita kapag kailangan na pong i-print 'yung project kasi po diba 'yun po 'yung contribution niyo?

WOW. ALL HAIL TO THE DOWN-TO-EARTH.

to my other groupmates who might have read this:
I'm sorry. I know I have been quite an irresponsible leader but I think it's not just fair to me to hear those things especially from you two. If you think that I'm doing almost everything in our project then think why I'm doing this. Maybe because you guys also failed to do what you are supposed to do that's why I'm bound to do everything else left. Regarding the schedule issues, don't you notice that I rarely consider my schedule? Lagi nalang akong nakadepende sa inyo, kung kelan kayo pwede, kung kelan kayo walang pupuntahan. Lastly, if you have something to say, say it to me. NOT TO OUR OTHER CLASSMATES.

This is what I get from them. Yes, after helping them at least to have a satisfactory mark in Physics. Thank you very much. I highly appreciate it. [Oh, sarcasm is love]

Ipabasa niyo 'to sa makapal ang mukha

Second Month

My Christine is the most beautiful person you’ll ever know and see...
God has sent me the greatest miracle;
And the greatest person someone can ever be.

----

"Ready?"

She let out her sweetest smile and looks at him, "maybe yes?"

"No, you're just shy to say that you're ready. I want to hear you say it. I won't move here 'til you tell me."

"You're a child, why don't you grow up? Then don't move if you don't want to."

Michael turned back, averted his attention to the lovers sitting together along the boulevard. How he hoped that someday he would be like them, sharing the night with someone they longed to be with for the rest of their lives. He was quite dismayed for he felt that his Christine was not yet ready to be with him. So there he was, the usual childlike boy, sulking inside the car and listened to the love song playing.

Suddenly, he felt something warm in his back, in his nape; and this got him perspiring. There was tension building up within him. The rhythm of his heartbeat changed, the pace became faster, faster, and faster.. faster. Then suddenly, he felt a tap on his arms.

He faced back; and next thing he knew, his lips were already on touch with Christine's. He unconsciously closed his eyes. Their world spun in a different way, slow, slower, and slowest. The feeling was surreal, yet nice. The cold wind of the night was breezing on them but all they felt was the warmth of real sweet love. It went on for minutes. They did not breathe. They did not move. Then Christine moved back, looked into the eye of his man and smiled.

Nothing really beats first kiss.

"See, I told you, I was ready."

Michael chuckled. He blushed and was out of words. He grabbed Christine's body close to him and embraced her real tight with his arms as if he won't be letting go of her. And tears flushed from his small Chinese eyes.

"I love you." she whispered
"What again? I didn't hear it."
"Whatever. I won't repeat it." she laughed.
"I love you most" he answered back, still confining her in his arms; letting themselves feel the warmth of each other's loving company.

----

It was on a cold day of February when they first met. They were both applying for the same university for college. Michael, seventeen. Christine, sixteen. From the very first time Michael's eyes had a glance of Christine's engaging beautiful face, he had her running on his mind.

"I know. That girl, will be my girl." Boys will be forever boys. Yes, he got infatuated.

Christine on the other hand, didn't mind him. When their eyes met, she just gave him a casual smile and that smile made Michael giggle more deep inside. That casual smile, Michael treated as a sign from the above.

The first day of college came. Michael was so jolly as usual; making friends, cracking jokes, laughing out loud with people whom he just met that day. As their first professor came, they were asked to sit wherever chair they wished to sit on. Michael chose to be at the right-most corner of the room, sat on the second-to-the-last chair and left the last chair vacant.

"She's gonna be late. She's gonna be here." he thought.

Minutes later, a late-comer entered the back door. Greeted the speaking professor and apologized for being late in the very first day of college. "Sit beside that Chinese boy; on the last chair" the cross professor ordered. She just nodded and obeyed--sat there and gave off her usual sweet charming smile.

"Hello, I'm Michael."

"And I'm Christine."

"I still don't have any friends here, so can we eat lunch together?"

"Surely. There would be no problem with that."

..and they went along with each other well. They were very good friends. They had a very good platonic relationship together. They belonged in the same clique. They had the chance to know each other well, had the chance to know each other deeper.

At their sophomore year, Michael realized that a different kind of love for Christine has grown in him; and Christine also felt the same way for him but she just let it pass, knowing that something great would eventually come out, would eventually happen.

And one day, while having their habitual after-lunch walks, he asked:

"Would it be awkward if I court you?"

"Court me, woo me?"

"Haha, yeah. Does that sound funny?"

"Well, sort of." I never expected that from you.

"So? What do you think?"

"How will I know if it'd be awkward if you haven't done it yet?"

She let him woo her. For quite a long time that was.

and lucky he was; she was wooed.

College juniors they were already. February 2009. Christine asked Michael for a usual night joyride along the boulevard. Of course, Michael didn't turn down Christine's request. They drove, played their favorite songs in the car's MP3. They sang together, laughed together. That was really one of the happiest moments they've shared together. They were filled with love and happiness. With everything they're feeling, they seemed to be the happiest in humankind.

And on that night, they had their very first kiss. :x

"Want ice cream?" Christine asked.

"Sure"

Christine went out of the car, excitedly ran across the highway like a child lusting for her strawberry cream-flavored pop. Michael also went out of the car then noticed, overjoyed and enjoyed the sight of her beautiful girl smiling. He went in the car again to change the song and when he came out, he saw that a fast-paced ten-wheeler cargo truck was on the way. He shouted to warn Christine. Christine stopped in the middle of the road and looked back.

DEAD ON ARRIVAL.

---

Thank God it was just a dream. Christine was awoken by her husband's very tight hold of her hand, his moans and cries. “He had those recalls and dreams again”, she thought. Christine hugged him and made him feel secured.

It has been always like that since her Michael was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. He can't remember anything in the present; all he remembered was the past. All he had were recalls of both his best and worst memories way back. And he often got dreams like that.

"Christine, Christine. My Christine left me." Michael cried like a tantrum-stricken child
"No, she didn't; and she won't"
"Why, did you see her? I haven't seen her for a long time now."
"Yes, she told me. She won't leave you, I promise."

Christine held him with her now wrinkled hands tighter. Tears fled from Christine's eyes. How she wished that her husband was not suffering from the disease so they could have continued the joyrides they had, the laughters, the happy memories that they had; and so that they could have enjoyed the goodness of life together longer. Although the case, she never felt lonely for every time he would hear Michael tell stories to her and their grandchildren, "My Christine" would always be the topic of his 'speeches'.

When I was nineteen, my Christine said she’d not kiss me; because she still wasn’t ready.
I sulked like a child for a moment then someone tapped me from behind.
I faced back; and you know what?

She did. She did. SHE DID!

My Christine is the most beautiful person you’ll ever know and see…
God has sent me the greatest miracle;
And greatest person someone can ever be.
She was very beautiful when she was sixteen.
It was the first time when I saw her.
I haven't seen her for quite a long time now
But I know when she goes seventy-nine like me
She'd be more beautiful
She will forever be.
As much as I want you, my grandson to also have a Christine
I'm so sorry because I was born earlier
And because for being so good, God has given me His greatest Christine;
Now, my Christine.

Two thousand and nine to two thousand and sixty-eight. It has been always amazing that nothing has changed. Not even a dreadful disease has changed it. Their love never failed and as time passed by, it grew even more beautiful that it used to be.

---------
Haha. Corny ba? Sorry na, galing mo kasi eh. Sige nga, gawa ka nga.

Oh well, Happy Hearts Day, everyone! :)

You,

thanks! happy hearts day! :) I hope you get to read this. :)

love,
ME. :)

Bangag.

This is so crazy. I've totally lost my interest in my academics. Knowing that we'll be having a long test for the next day, I didn't study though the book is just there in my very dirty pink bag. I didn't care.

AND I JUST LAUGHED WHEN I SAW THAT I FAILED THE LONG TEST.

That was so not me. Not me.

Oh well, I think it's part of changing. I know, it's not in any way a change for the better. And it's bad that this kind of thing is happening to me when graduation is nearing; when I have to get my ass working so hard for that ultimate goal.

Oh, about that goal? I dropped it.

There's no sense working when you do not get something good afterwards.
And it even gets more frustrating when you see happy-go-lucky people along the way so carefree, but you know that they really get good things. Very good things.

Inggit ka lang.
Ang yabang mo; ano ka naman para kaiinggitan?
Ano ka, ano ka, ano ka, ano ka ba?! Ha?!

Pahinga na muna ako. Masyado nang nakakapagod. Doon nalang ako magpupursigi ulit, doon sa España. Tingin ko doon mas masaya.

Malapit na pasahan nung dalawang proyekto ah. Bat di pa kayo kumikilos dyan?! Ano, ako na naman? Ako na naman?! Ako nalang lagi!!!!!

Hay nako. Kay sarap ng buhay..


NILA.

gawa ko, pagod ko, utak ko, ideya ko, damay kayo. swerte kayo. pucha, asan na 'yung bayad niyo sa pagpiga ko sa utak ko tuwing sasapit ang mga panahon na ganito?

Kelan ko ba mae-enjoy ang buhay ko? Lintek.