but you're still holding my hand

It's already sinking into me that yes, I'm leaving. And for nights, my brother is just making it more difficult for me to leave. We've been crying ourselves to sleep the past nights. At first I find it such a big ridicule that my brother started crying when I told him I'll be leaving soon. But shit, the next thing I knew is that I'm crying with him. I don't know how to explain it. Jumping unto a pool of emotions was never my expertise at all.

By the way, finally. I'm having a new phone tomorrow. It's final. But I still don't know what to have. I went home here yesterday and found out that my mom bought new clothes for me to wear. She updated my wardrobe without telling me. The sad part is, I have really gained A LOT of weight and it hurts to know that my waistline increased. She had 3 skinny jeans for me but unfortunately, nothing of those three would zip. Holy shit. I need college stress for me. Only stress works for me. Don't get me wrong. Kasya naman s'ya. It's just that it won't really zip. Waistline is the problem. Haha. And I want to clarify that I didn't ask for skinny jeans. My mom had it for me without asking me or whatsoever. Don't worry, I admit that I'm too big for skinny jeans. But I realized that they're not that bad-looking with me. So all's good and all right. I just really HAVE to trim my body down. Sayang. Tatlo rin yun.

I've made up my mind: I'm having a Moto Krzr K1 Fire tomorrow. :D Moto fan na ako forever. Haha. :P 4 years ulit ito bago mapalitan. Or who knows, kung di naman nasira yung phone ko, I won't change eh. I hope this one would last really for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time.

Every time we touch, the feeling is too much

Never mind the title. I'm just again having bouts of last song syndrome.

The past days, my cousins, my brother and I have been scaring the hell out of ourselves by reading things that we shouldn't be reading at all. Parang kaming mga tanga eh; mga sadista talaga.

By the way, I and my cousin Inna are here at Excel in SM Fairview and it really sucks to type an entry with fools behind you reading.

Random thing: I bought a Stradmore hardbound notebook a while ago which has the print True love waits on it. Haha. Wala lang. Funny.

In less than 30 days, I'll be leaving for a verrrrrrrrry far place. Well, not really a very far one but you get the point? That's just so far. And it hasn't really sunk in to me yet that I'll be leaving the people I love behind and I'm going to be alone for 5 months [well, hopefully please!]. I wonder how the feeling would be when it's finally 'the moment'. Today was a happy day because our grandparents brought us out to the mall. It's nice being out of our oven-like place. It's nice being free and it's nice having at least little time with fast-paced internet. AAAAAAAAAH. Haha.

Siya nga pala, last week, I was reviewing Inna for her summer finals [she took summer classes for Math because she got a final grade of 72] and wala lang, it was really funny that I still know her lessons [she's an incoming sophomore] and I think I was able to teach her well. I never thought I'd be good in teaching Math. And I never thought that I'd still remember those things after freaking 3 years.

Errr. I can't think of what to blog about, sorry. :)

This has been a humdrum post. Thanks for reading.

[ADDITIVE]
Bukas nga pala, my eleven-year-old brother will be cicumcised already. O wag ka tumawa kasi ngayon palang siya igaganun. Special nga siya kasi surgeon pa gagawa nung procedure niya kasi raw hindi raw pwede sa ano niya na ordinary doctor lang. O yun so anyway, pinakapanalong linya ngayong araw:

Bedeck: kinakabahan na ako bukas sa tuli ko. Sakit ng ulo ko.

WAHAHAHAHA.
[/ADDITIVE]

this is senseless

I'm currently in a place so far from civilization. Although I don't really like it here [read my last dramatic entry], I'm actually starting to love my stay in here because I get to be productive. And by getting productive I mean being busy. In this case, I'm being busy in the kitchen. Yes, you read it right. Round the clock in the kitchen, in the dining area, and wherever food can be found. I'm actually pigging out because I just can't avoid it. There's no maid or any house helper in this home so I have to cook food for seven people everyday for the sake of not eating unpalatable food. Whatevs the last statement is. Seven people = 2 grandparents and 5 cousins including me. What a life, what a summer. What a 'vacation'. Parang kusinera lang eh. Good thing my cousins are helping out in washing and cleaning the dining area and the dishes. I'm okay with cooking, I've got no problem with that because I'm quite well with the culinary craft. The only problem is I prepare food 4 times a day [kasama merienda kasi hindi optional ang merienda rito].

I'm so fat. I can't believe my dieting didn't work. I guess the only solution with my gaining weight is rigorous and extreme excercise but I'm just too lazy to do that. I hope college stress would trim my body down. I was appalled by the fact that I'm currently weighing 125 lbs. Last time I checked was I think months ago and way back then, I was just weighing 118 lbs. Wow, come on. I want to believe that the weighing scale has got some serious problem.

There's nothing do here really. Internet connection is snail-paced because it's just dial-up. I can't even load my own page in just a snap. I would have to wait for a minute or so to get everything loaded. It would take me forever to download and install Yahoo! Messenger so I'm stuck with Friendster and blogging. What a humdrum and dull pasttime, I know.

Awww. Trixie Cruz just texted me now and unfortunately I wouldn't be able to reply because I've just got my pre-paid credits down to zero; and a store is very far from this home. As abovementioned, I am so far from civilization. This place is so far from civilization. It's so big yet so inaccessible. I so badly want to talk with Trixie. It's been a while since we last had a good talk. Well, I guess I would have to 'borrow' Dad's [lolo] mobile phone and do a little texting. Haha. :P I would just have to wait him fall asleep. Haha. I miss the girl so much! Haha. I'm already texting her right now so yey for me! :)

Red, my cousin is so untolerable. He's such a bitchy brat. Bakla ka lang kasi. Haha. Salbahe walang hiyang bata.

[ADDITIVE]
PS. Which Star are You From will be aired in ABS-CBN soon. I saw the trailer while watching Walang Kapalit a while ago. Haha. Okay guys, the drama's really all good and Kim Rae Won's there so I suggest you watch it before ABS-CBN sucks it. Kdramas go all cheap and low-quality once they air it. Blah.
[/ADDITIVE]

I'm going back, Boss

I cannot deny that during the past months, I somehow felt that my life seems to be just out of its place. Like no definite and precise road to take. Everything else seems to be just impulsive and all-of-a-sudden. Decision making for certain things in my life have been really sucky because I can't really think of what to choose, where to go, what to do. It's like something is just really lacking and I really can't go on with these things I encounter everyday and I will encounter in the days ahead without this very important that I lack. I admit, I have lost. The sad and bad part there is I didn't lose that very important thing unintentionally. It was done deliberately. And now that I am quite okay with things, I really feel sorry for myself for what I have done. I'm such a fool for losing it and throwing it; thinking I would not need any tinge. I'm so wrong.

Once I was His ever loving child who went to Him and relied to Him most of the time. Since four, we have been friends and I overly depended on Him when it comes to things that I fear of. Like a tantrum-stricken child who wasn't given what she wanted for so long, I got away and tried to live my life without that divinity that I used to live with.

My brother went last night to my paternal grandparents' home unwillingly. It was just for the sake of not being labeled by the senior members of the family as one stubborn and unloving boy. You know grandparents, they can be the best and the worst people in the world. My brother wished that I would be with him and we would go together there but situations wouldn't allow us because there are still a lot of things left here for me to fix up. So he went there without me. And I know how hurtful he was when he knew that he had to. He loathed that place very much; and I loathe it the most. I actually got mad to my mom when she agreed that my brother be sent to my grandparents' home because that only means ruining and spoiling a child's summer vacation. But she said that it's part of being a grandchild. My brother was so sad yesterday even though he didn't express the sadness he had. Come mid-afternoon, I slept and hoped that I wouldn't be awake until my brother leaves. Unfortunately, I was awoken minutes before my brother was fetched. I pretended to be asleep and I just glanced upon the window when the car arrived. I just shouted goodbye to my brother through the window and he heard it. He replied goodbye, too. It was so sad. I cried right after. I know he'd be too homesick there like when I was just a kid also in the same situation. I remember when I was just an only child then, I would be always forced to go to that place and every late night, I'd be calling Papa or Mama crying, asking them to fetch me. Homesickness can really make me cry and very very sad and I know that Bedeck is just experiencing the same thing now and probably worse than what I have experienced since that boy is very attached to us. I feel like I'm a bad sister for not being with him right now. If only I could let him not wait until the 11th of the month.

Homesickness breaks my heart. When I was in grade six, I was one of the school's delegates to a week-long seminar in Baguio. The idea of staying there for fun was exciting but my classmates just found it weird that I was crying while texting Papa and Mama while on travel. Oh, homesickness.

Now I suddenly thought of what would my life be when I start dorming for freshman year in college. I'll be in a very far place. Far from my family and friends. Company of friends won't even make me feel better [sorry]. It's gonna be hard and I don't know what came into my mind when I chose this option. I hate being impulsive. It just creates situations exactly like this. And I know that when I'm there, I would have nothing to run to but Him. I'm really scared of everything waiting for me there. I am not really sure if I'd survive. Breaking down is one of the things that I can't really avoid; and I just hope and pray that I'd be strong enough to handle it all.

I have been really a sinful child and a very bad catholic. There came a stage that I doubted too much and totally did not believe on the Higher Power amongst us; and thank heavens that consciousness has finally struck me and led me to what I am before. I thank God for everything that I have now and for letting me still live and survive today. I have seen how good He really is for still being with Me when I turned my back against Him. I feel shame for myself. Seriously. And I'm glad that I'm coming back. I know that He would help me get through all of the things ahead of me because it seems like He had intervened in the twist of my fate.

I'm so happy with this unbelievable transformation that I have just undergone. I'm so proud of myself. I may not be the old church-goer that I was but I am without doubt and firmly a true believer.

Yes my dear folks, contrary to popular belief, I am no strong-face. People dear to me are my weaknesses. And maybe you heard me say a lot of times that I hate my mom, my dad, my brother--but you should know that sarcasm is my ultimate art. I love them so much that I can't imagine how I'd be when the time comes that one would be going away. I hate being attached with people because I do not know hot to let go without being hurt [EHEM EHEM EHEM. HAHA].

I'm really sad. I miss Bedeck so much. :(

What makes it worse and really sad is that it's his birthday on Monday and he's gonna be celebrating it without us. Sad. Lonely. Annoyed. Pissed. In-tears. He told me the other day that he hates staying there on his birthday because nobody greets him. :( What a home, isn't it? Believe me, you wouldn't want to live in that home. Even my father who grew up there hated the place that's why he grew up under his Lolo's care. There's something wrong with my grandparents. Especially my grandmother. She thinks that running an office is the same as running a home. AAAAAAAH! I semi-hate her.

Oh my, I'm crying right now. Damn. I'm getting so pathetic as I grow up.

**Please excuse my multiple sentence fragments and run-ons. I really have a lot to say and that's not even half of them. I just can't let everything out. I'm so full of angst which makes my emotional state very unhealthy. :(

Okay I changed my mind

I was supposed to have a new and good phone this week [and it's gonna be postpaid, baby!] but I suddenly changed my mind and told my mom that I don't want to have a phone anymore. The very simple reason is I don't find any phone of my choice right now. Ewan. Choosing for me becomes most complicated when a lot of options are presented. There's a pool of them. It's like there are too many good things and I want them all. Or it's like too many good things are offered to you that you cannot compare and decide which one to pick. I'm sure you have had that kind of feeling even just once in your life. Another thing is I feel guilty that I'm still clamoring for a new phone when I'm sure that I'm not gonna use it--as in maximum usage. And yeah, being the usual simple, contented me, I chose to stick with this Motorola I have been using for 3 years now. Eh ano naman, at least may camera at saka yung iba nga hanggang ngayon, N3310 pa ang gamit eh [no offense meant to N3310 users there]. And the most surprising and whoa-ing reason that I have is I want to by my own phone with my own money. Haha. I'm sixteen; and I remember when I was twelve or eleven, I started to become shy when it comes to asking this and that from my parents. And that shyness within me was never expunged off me. In fact, it even became uhh, stronger? Stronger shyness? Haha. Sorry. I told you I really have terrible communication skills. I have the money to spend right now but I would just want to wait for something better to come out of the market. :)

Things have been blurry in the family since Saturday. I won't put details here since it's very confidential [it's not that my parents separated or whatever matter]. Oh, elections! What have you done to them? You've driven people mad and crazy. You've made them evil. :( I never thought we'd be put in this kind of tragic and embarrassing situation that I know I would never ever forget. NEVER EVER FORGET EVEN I'M ALREADY LYING ON MY DEATHBED. Anong ginawa mo? Hindi ka dapat tularan, alam mo yun. :( Sorry you don't understand, and unless we're really really close, you'll never know all these things. I'd stop watching and hearing the news until election time finishes--hoping I'll feel light.

amateur.

Fun.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

First-degree cousins minus 3 [CLICK THE PICTURE BECAUSE I LOOK BETTER WHEN IT'S ENLARGED. HAHA.]
Joaquin Lucas Miguel, Anton Clarenzo Benedicto, Rosario Bettina Margarita, Anna Clarissa Buena. That's Red, Bedeck [my bro], Inna, and me.

So now you know that long names are very common in our family. Haha. This picture was taken last Wednesday, at the Thanksgiving Party. It was a formal affair and as you can see, we're all dressed and we really look proper--that's why I like this picture because it's so different from the usual pictures that we cousins always have--those with bungisngis faces. Haha. I love this picture except for the fact that my brother is so annoying because he didn't smile. My bangs are very big and uhh, bulky--you know what I mean. And I look 4-months pregnant wearing my dress because of the lighting. I semi lost weight and semi got thin so don't dare say that I look fat and pregnant in that picture because it's just because of the fcuking lighting! Sasakalin ko ang magsabi na mukha akong buntis d'yan! Haha. Talk about defensiveness. Yes, I am the oldest in the first-degree cousin-ry but not in the whole clan. Excuse me, noh! Haha. And the age gap between Inna and I is not that big. Only 2 years, dude. She's just really small kahit na naka-heels na siya. Haha.

So anyway, I've been busy doing things for different purposes the past days. Yesterday, I was in Festival Mall in Filinvest, Alabang because I went with my mom in her meeting with Uncle Kim--he's Korean. He told me that my Korean students will be coming from Korea on mid-May. As I have said earlier in one of my entries, those Korean kids are having difficulties in grammar and pronunciation that's why they need a good and patient English teacher. Haha! And that's me. I guess it wouldn't be that difficult since those kids are entering Brent International School so I presume that they know a lot of English despite their so-called deficiencies. The rate hasn't changed--it's still 55,555 figures! That's why I'm happy. :) I'm gonna be hitting BPI again this May! Great. This is business, baby! I'm so glad I'm earning and being productive at this age. Haha. At least I wouldn't have to rely on the family seniors that much for my miscellaneous needs and/or wants.

My friends are nowhere to be found these days. Ariane is in Hong Kong, Trixie is in Bulacan, working for her father's campaign for mayorship, Zor cannot be reached. LLSF, where have you gone? Less people are on-line. Probably they're off to places. May 8-10, I'll be in Baguio. Oh, thank the heavens, I'll be having a treat! I want to go to Canada and visit my grandmother there. She just turned 70 last April 15 and it's already quite difficult for her to travel back here for a visit. I miss her so much. :(

Please tell your parents to vote for the following senatoriables:

1. Chiz Escudero
2. Ralph Recto
3. Manny Villar
4. Joker Arroyo
5. Kiko Pangilinan
6. Alan Cayetano
7. Ed Angara

Yan! They should vote for 12 pero boto niyo na yang 7 na iyan. :) I'm actually not pro-administration. I actually prefer the opposition candidates more. Ang trapo kasi nung mga nasa Team Unity. Not all, but most of them. Team Unity's composed of underdogs of the administration. Nakakasawa na.

And yes folks, Kabataan Party List as well. :)

And please, let's observe:

Silence can say more than a thousand words.

This day shall unite us all about this unbelievable painful & shocking event and show some respect and love to those who lost their loved ones.

On April 30th 2007, the Blogosphere will hold a One-Day Blog Silence in honor of the victims at Virginia Tech. More then 30 died at the US college massacre.

But it´s not only about them. Many bloggers have responded and asked about all the other victims of our world. All the people who die every day. What about them?

This day can be a symbol of support to all the victims of our world!

All you have to do is spread the word about it and post the graphic on your blog on 30th April 2007. No words and no comments. Just respect, reflect and empathy.

Sakitin ka kasi

My condition has gone worse. I now even have rashes all over my body because of my body's reaction to the virus. :(

I've been reading Harper's Illustrated Biochemistry again this summer. Like what I've said before, I'm going to spend most of my time reading books to load-up my poor puny brain with new things. Harper's book has been my reference way back in 2nd year High School Biology. I rarely read the book that we had for exams because everything else was there in Harper's. I'm back to Krebs Cycle now. Haha.

Anyway, I checked on Hanyang Medical School in Seoul's site and checked on the requirements for medical school studies there. Going there to study Medicine is one of my goals after my undergraduate studies in UP [naks, wala pa nga may plans na] because Hanyang is one of the top medical schools in Asia. And according to a lot of medical materials I've read, South Korea offers a great deal when it comes to Asian and Oriental Medicine. I found out that the process of application there is very difficult and quite a hassle. They still require foreign students to have this Langueagee Prougrams that they offer when the fact is they will be using English medical books naman. Hay nako. It's not that I don't want to learn the foreign language but I think it's just pointless. Isn't it that they should be the one to study English instead? Here in the Philippines, we don't have Tagalog-written medical books. But I saw their Med School curriculum and it's really nice. They even have Foot Surgery included in their curriculum. Foot Surgery. Isn't that uncanny and nice? Haha. Of course they have Biochimstry and Mouleculare Biology. Haha. I don't want the to take the Language Program. I won't be needing that much since they said that all instructions in lectures are in English and not in Korean. Oh well, since I really want to enter Hanyang, I guess I have to take their Langueagee Prougrams.

Everyone here in home laughs whenever they see my very very fat face. I laugh, too when I see myself in the mirror. I do not look like my old self anymore. Mukhang kargador ng siopao sa Binondo ang mukha ko. I'm scary. Madeline doesn't even recognize me. She's not going to me whenever I call her. :( And it really aches like hell. It's been three days that I've been waking up in midnight because of the pain and it just sucks that the pain reliever won't effect that fast--and I can't take pain relievers more than once a day because that would burn my liver off. The rashes are very red, hot and itchy especially at night. I don't know if my face would still be bigger the next days because it's just Day 3 today--and this viral infection commonly lasts for 2 weeks. My front teeth also ache now because of the different biting position due to the inflammation of the parotid glands just beside the molars. Everything's painful and ugly :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRIZZA ABILLAR! I MISS YOU NA, BES! [APRIL 15] :) I'M SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO GO TO YOUR PLACE YESTERDAY :( I'M SICK.

Queen of Epidemics

This is the saddest day of my life. The impulse just destroyed the momentum [remember Physics]. This is so sad. :(

I thought the record was already broken last year. But hey, it's just April and 2007 has almost just started! Pwede pang pang-habol sa nawala sa 2006. And yes, my friends, there's another addition to my list: Small Pox, Chicken Pox, Dengue Stage II, __________

MUMPS. BEKE
BILATERAL MUMPS. BEKE SA DALAWANG PISNGI.

I am such an unfortunate person. I should be partying at this moment of time at Bopeep's birthday bash but due to this unfortunate event that I just came to know the moment I woke up early in the morning, I am here quarantined at home.

I sought for my baby records this morning and checked if I had been given the MMR vaccine because I plan to blame my mom if I see that I haven't been given those shots. What the hell, that was even the first vaccine injected to me and I had booster doses after. My brother, who in the other hand also had mumps in the past weeks also have been given MMR. So it's a proven fact that vaccines do not give 100% assurance that you'll be protected until sixteen years of age.

My cheeks, my neck, my back ache like hell. And add to this unfortunate day that there has been a 7-hour power interruption in the whole vicinity that I live in. I was really itching to go to somewhere else but my mom said it'll just make it worse. I can take the pain but I just can't take my ugly face whenever I look at it in the mirror. My cheeks are very fat, they're round, big, and very plumpy. It reminds me of a schoolmate whose cheeks are of the same descriptions abovementioned; plus her cheeks are very unproportional to her built. Eeew. This is the main reason why I would prefer hiding myself than to go out and swim in the clubhouse like me brother did today. It makes me think that I look like her. Yikes! I have thrice the size of Jollibee's cheeks. I'm Humpy Dumpy--special Chinese siopao version. It's actually funny; and it's hard for me to laugh because the moment I do, it would just ache unbearably. Hell, why did this happen to me?! Buti nalang summer. Unlike the past years, I always get sick when it's August--when it's exam season; which makes the teachers in school think that I'm not really sick at all. Ridiculous.

I'll be missing a lot of fun tonight. Finch Patrol's there--and EHEM. Finch Patrol wouldn't be complete without Me -- their forever industrious project-maker. Haha. :) I love those people even though they made me mad a lot of times last school year.

Thank God there's Jollibee Burger Steak and Chickenjoy. I haven't eaten the whole day because I have appetite loss. Jollibee would only be the one to make me eat although eating when you have mumps is the suckiest thing ever. I don't care about the pain basta Jollibee! Haha.

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, TRACY BERNADETTE VIDAD. YOU CONFUSE ME, YOU KNOW. HAHA. :)

Runs in the blood. Haha

Out of 7000 Bar examinees, 1893 passed.
And I'm so proud of my Ninang Idol! :)
I know you won't get to read this since I won't let you [haha], but I know someday you will get to read this; I want to tell you that you inspire me so much. You've been always my role model since I was a kid. My parents would always say that I should be like you, VERY hardworking, studious, responsible and really really very smart. I remember when I was a kid, I didn't want to drink Sustagen but Mom told me that when you were small, you used to drink Sustagen that's why you're like that kaya I was forced to drink. Haha. See? That's how much I idolize you... :) And I seriously thank you for giving those talks to me; for telling me how much you believe in me. You're the person I really want to be when I enter the 'real world' awaiting me. :) Good luck to your International Law studies in NYU. :) I just woke up to check the results out in the internet. :)

trivia: this person who was a consistent Dean's Lister and A-list student at the Ateneo de Manila Law School was not good in Math as a grade school and high school student. And even now, she admits that she isn't. Hah! Hmmp! You also see big things come out of people who aren't Mathematically gifted. Bleh. Haha. :)

So EAGER to Launch

I desperately want to move out of this house. As in. Okay, I'm getting back to this stage again. The last time I experienced this thing, I found no excuse to move out [well of course way back that time, I was just starting my senior high school year]. Now, I'm going to college--to a very [well, not realy very] far university in the heart of the capital. This situation actually offers a great, reasonable excuse for me to move out and start living a great single life. But no, I was wrong. They're hindering me, stopping me and they actually want to confine me in this multiple cornered home I've been.

A lot of people who have heard my idea of condorm-ing said that it might be difficult. They always say that the mere fact that I have to do all the housework [cleaning, cooking, laundry] makes it very difficult. Well maybe yes, it will be difficult but I think I'm already used with those things. Living a life where maids and househelpers are very useless, I think I have already trained myself to do those things; well of course, except for the laundry because the automatic washing machine does that for us. I won't take any reason for me not to like moving out as of this moment--because I really want to. And if you're thinking of the safety of the place [well because Manila proper is not really the ideal place to live in], well let's not mind that, let me die if I should when that time comes.

What's driving me to these ideas? Well, if I tell you the whole story, probably you'll suggest that I just stab all the people here, including the canine dog sleeping right now. It's simple: I don't want to live with people who never saw nice things in me. I don't want to live with people who always blame me for every stupid/wrong/bad/unfortunate thing that happens. Like come one, was I born to be blamed for everything bad? I don't think so. Another thing, I don't want living with people who always tell me to change. Change. Change. Change. Actually, I really want to start a change. I want to start it with YOU but you keep on stopping me.

Since you always say that I'm a big burden and all you want to do is spend time with your 10-year-old son who I believe is gay, then why not send me out and we'd be both happy. Wouldn't it be nice if this plan pushes through? It will be; at least in my part.

Welcome, lovely February! :) &hearts

Parental Issues

It's just dismaying to know that my parents do not really trust me after all.

One of my friends told me that she might be occupying a condorm [condo/dorm hehe] unit near UST and she asked me if I want to share with her together with some friends. I liked the idea, of course; knowing that UST is really quite far from my place and I hate waking up very early for classes so I told my mom. They disagreed.

Para ano? Makalakwatsa?
Saan ka naman nakakita ng taga Quezon City na nag-dorm pa dyan lang sa España.

Diyan lang sa España. Wow. Diyan lang pala ha. Sige nga, ihatid niyo ako at sunduin araw-araw. Tignan natin kung di kayo magngitngit niyan dahil sa layo.

It's clear. They don't have faith in me. They think that I just want to move out because I'm excited of getting in to the real world--college that is. Probably they think in college, I'll be meeting someone, get a boyfriend, hang-out with him all day, all night long and have weird yet great sex in that condorm. Yes, that's what they think. Great.

Kinalaunan niyan, sa takot at hiya kong magpakilala sa kanila ng isang tao kahit na matanda na ako, eh hindi pa ako mag-aasawa niyan. Kawawa naman ako. :(

They want me to kill my social life. And take note, sinumbat pa nila sa'kin 'yung gimmicks ko. What the hey. I started gimmicking at 14, when I was in sophomore high. Come on, did I do something wrong? I'm still here, on the way to college, not pregnant, not high on drugs or something.

I'm so irritated now. I'm not irritated because I wasn't allowed to dorm.
I'm mad because they don't trust me.

Kung kelan pa ako tumanda, doon pa ako hinigpitan.

---
Our recollection's on Sunday. Yes, this Sunday.
Give me a palanca, please. :)
Thank you very much. :)

Madeline is sick

Last Wednesday, I came home and saw Madeline lying on her bed, sleeping; not even paying attention to me which she usually does everytime someone gets home. It's also a very weird thing since I came home late last Wednesday (8:30 pm that is) and usually, by the hour of 8 in the evening, Madeline is already very very sensitive and very very awake. It was really an uncanny situation that night, but since I really am (still up to this moment of typing) so much overwhelmed by the Aeris cheering team winning, I didn't bother. Haha. :)

I just noticed when I got back to check her up that she has this bandage on her left leg. I asked my mom what it was and she told me that Madeline went home this morning with her left leg already oozing with blood. Take that, oozing with blood. Everyday, at three in the morning, my mom opens our gate for Madeline to run around the village. Madeline really runs fast like no any other dog can (I think). Apparently, Madeline came home at 6 in the morning with a wounded leg. Mamatay na gumawa 'nun sa aso ko. Mamatay na. I examined the wound a while ago because I was tasked to dress it and apply medication on it and what the hey! It was really a big one! Parang tinaga ng itak eh. Good thing that she can still walk normally despite that wound. Mamatay na talaga gumawa 'nun mukha siyang squatter para patulan 'yung aso. Bwiset. Shit talaga 'yan. Buti nalang talaga 'di siya pilay or whatever.

Even now, Madeline is still weak and she refuses to eat and to play with me. I admit it, I may hate her sometimes but I am really worried for her. I thought that she might have acquired a Tetanus infection kasi nga baka nga tinaga siya ng itak or something sharp na may kalawang and she might have acquired an infection from that. I googled through tetanus in dogs just before typing this entry and I found out that dogs have quite strong resistance for infections like that. All I am advised to do is to always clean the wound and some antibiotics. Maybe I'll give her Amoxcicillin(sp?) for the wound not to be infected or whatsoever.

Oh. 3 days to Christmas. I cannot really feel the spirit of Christmas.

Okay, I have to get back with my 101 wishlist and prosec goal book.

anyway..
Kim Tecson: bat ka english nang english? pati sa blog mo
Clarissa: ...
Kim Tecson: ha?
Clarissa: eh kasi kailangan ko mag-practise for english week
Kim Tecson: ah ano ka nga ba ulit?
Clarissa: oral spelling bee at saka oratorical na parang impromptu
Kim Tecson: asa ka mali mali nga spelling mo minsan eh... haha. luko lang.
Clarissa: bastos.

haha. loka loka conversation in YM. Kim Tecson is Kinchi who tags in my cbox.