More than terrified

I don't want to open my eyes tomorrow. Don't ask why. This thing's been running on my mind ever since September 17th. It sucks. It has caused me severe mental torture. Everytime I daydream and try to think of something sweet and try to contemplate over surreal yet nice events, my mind averts its track leading to that Blue Eagle Gym along the busy highway of Katipunan. My close friends know how I'm dealing with this thing and I know that in one way or another, I'm already irritating them because of my endless rants regarding this matter--which also makes them worried of their application status.

A fraction of my school friends now have a 'decent' university to go into in college. I'm the most tofee-nosed kid ever to reason that I just don't see my future in that school that's why I didn't take the entrance exam. True, I just don't see my future there although they say that it begins there. You get what I mean. But as I have seen, everyone just passed. Blah. Malaking sayang.

Please stop telling me things like I'm on a sure-pass situation in that great 'the' Areneow. I have to admit that it's somehow getting my hopes up too high and I just don't know how upset I'd be if ever I fail. So please, stop it. Let's treat things normally. You don't know how I messed up my essay during the exam date--with the ugliest handwriting ever. Aaaaah. I should have enrolled at speed-reading when I was a kid. Haha. Oh yeah, wag na akong patulan, pwede ba.

During club time:

Erica Trinidad: there's no sense worrying. What do you think? God will see you worried and change the test results? Haha. Don't think of it!

Help me through this. Please don't give me a reason to be angry with God. I'm slowly losing my faith because of as I have said in my last post, because of things that happened last year. It's always hardwork from me and I don't get a good payback afterwards. I hope and sincerely pray that everything will work out.

Anyway, I found myself doing all my homeworks and school tasks ahead before 7:30 PM tonight--yeah, even the Accounting homework that I usually just do in school before classes start. Nice change. I'm being more studious. I've got to maintain good things like this. By the way, I just called FedEx and inquired about my 'package' for my CIW partner and they said my partner has already received it at 4:30pm a while ago. Yey! I'm happy because I just made someone happy. Now I know my partner already has vitamins and that she'd not be too lonely because I wrote her a letter. It's something for me to be quite happy. I'd trust my 'deliveries' to FedEx from now on because 2GO really sucks big time--our surprise for Trixie Sandrine for instance. It took 4 days for that girl to receive it. 2GO's a big bitch for ruining all our plans on that day. Plus, delivery costs in FedEx are much cheaper. So yeah.

Good night.