Tell me what's wrong with me, please.

I usually get pretty good grades without even trying, actually; and I think I'm usually confident and I'm not that type who gets terrified during times like this because Mrs Dino might call my parents home and tell them that I failed this and that. But honestly now, I'm really scared. If you have read this blog from then on, you know that I have not done well in Physics this quarter and that fact scares the hell out of me. Really. I have passed the exam but I'm not really sure that it won't make an immense effect on my grade. The school follows a cumulative grading system which means that 30% of last quarter's grade would be added to 70% of this quarter's grade in order to get the final grade. My Physics grade last quarter was actually pretty good compared to a large fraction of the seniors in my batch but still, I'm not really sure. 11-point grade decreases are always possible and I'd die if that happens to me in this case. I'm not at all relaxed in this point even though I go carefreely in school with all the perks and wackiness I have. Uhh. Blah.

Fairboard Commitee qualifiers were now posted and surprise! I did not get chosen. That's not new. Despite my whoa-ing application-letter-turned-formal-theme, I did not get in because I have not established a good relationship with any of the faculty members. I know that's one point. They may have thought that what I'm saying in my letter was all a prettified word make-up because they don't really know me. There's nothing I can do. The only thing that I noticed was there were more junior qualifiers than seniors. Well then, maybe more juniors applied. T_-. Hah, stop it. For a factual instance, the Bandaid Committee.

Saturday classes are actually altogether useless. Why? Because not everyone attends it. Hello, it's Saturday. It's the seventh day of the week and people are supposed to rest. God rested on the seventh day of creation of the world. That's in the Bible. It's not Sunday because in the calendar, Sunday is the first day of the week and Saturday is the seventh. Check it out if you disbelieve me. You always do anyway.

My feet are aching. I'm dog-tired, and sad, and nervouse. I wanna cut the phone line's cord. Please, don't do this to me. Don't.

I came across this:

Signs and symptoms

Signs and symptoms for each type of leukemia differ, but common symptoms include:

• Fever or chills
• Persistent fatigue, weakness
• Frequent infections
• Loss of appetite or weight
• Swollen lymph nodes, enlarged liver or spleen
• Easy bleeding or bruising
• Shortness of breath when you're physically active, as while climbing steps
• Tiny red marks in your skin (petechiae)
• Excessive sweating, especially at night
• Bone pain or tenderness

I have been always puzzled by Leukemia. I have read and watched a lot of Asian stories wherein the main characted is stricken by the disease. It's very common among Asians. Asians like me. I just wonder. I hope and pray that all I'm thinking would not come true even though I always experience the emphasized symptoms above. Please, no. I always experience the bone pain thing and it's really painful. It does not happen everyday though; but it happens most of the time. There's this feeling like your front bone in your right leg is being sliced and being injected with something cold. Seriously, it hurts and when it happens, it stays for 3 minutes or so like that. And I don't why that happens.

Intrams practise is actually fine. Team A Cheering is actually masunurin but some of them are really hard-headed and annoying. There are some who're testing my patience. I'm doing all my best to be nice to them especially yesterday. From our first meeting, people have been telling me that I am being terrifyingly mataray and masungit. I do that without trying. That comes out naturally from me. Ms Malayas was with us the entire day yesterday so I was like holding back everything that I want to say. I was watching my words because she might think maldita pala 'tong si Clarissa, tsk. I hate things like that. I'm not doing that again on our next practises because when I'm loose, they tend not to work hard. Kaya mahina kami kahapon. Bwiset talaga. I'm experimenting which one is effective: the terror (as Raissa puts it) one, or the pa-nice-effect-ate one. I guess I'll stick to the terror one. :)